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More Jokes

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    New Boots

    My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The…
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    Dog Stop

    Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a…
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    Good Robbery

    The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.…
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    Translated Golf

    An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening…
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    Prison Sentence

    Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all…
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    The ABC Song

    Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?” Me: “Sure.” (He holds up a piece of…
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    Goober Mom Writes Goober Son

    Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we…
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    Corrections

    IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our…
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    Wrong Guard

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
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    Razor Request

    Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave.…
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    Gripe Comments

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines)…
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    Geraniums

    A man walked into a flower shop and after looking around for several minutes, asked the…
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    Snack Costs

    My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor…
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    Dear Milkman…

    Dear Milkman..."Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.""Please…
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    Child Perspective on Retirement

    A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the…

picture of a bumper sticker on a guitar* FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

* I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.

* I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always".

* What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

* Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?

* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

* If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

* To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question.... ....or is it?

* Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She gets mad if I interrupt her.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* A closed mouth gathers no foot.

* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

* Where there's smoke, there's dinner.

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