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More Jokes

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    Before and After Children

    *Before and After Children*BEFORE Children: I was thankful for the opportunity to…
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    Judge's Watch

    A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as…
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    Beware of Bread

    A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD."…
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    Put or Putt?

    A teacher was taking her first golf lesson."Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she…
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    Planning Ahead

    A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond…
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    Doctor's Advice

    A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw…
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    Hymns vs. Choruses

    An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home…
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    Today I didn't Do It

    One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three…
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    Remember The Elderly

    The following is a letter received by a pastor from an 86 year old lady. The lady…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    Takes One To Know One

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
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    Read The Label

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the…
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    Project Picture

    My 12 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it…
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    Morning Tea

    Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church.One day, his father told Little…

To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house.

The one time you cuss on the radio, your Chief will be listening.

Anything that you do can get you shot - including doing nothing!

You will be decorated for stupidity, and busted for brilliant work.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never respond to a "domestic" with anyone braver than you.

No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.

You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.

Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".

Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.

To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.

Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.

If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.

Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.

Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.

Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.

Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.

Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.

If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.

The speed with which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.

Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.

Bullet proof vests might be.

Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.

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