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More Jokes

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    Refrigerator Goals

    When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the…
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    First Day

    Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had…
  • Last Minute Turkey

    Last Minute Turkey

    It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on…
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    Five Kinds of Fruit

    In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They…
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    Fly Problem

    My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient. She had a fly…
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    Friendly Golf

    Two friends were beginning a game of golf.The first man stepped up to the tee, hit the…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Television Bloopers - British Style

    "Liz Taylor is recovering in hospital after having had a benign tuna removed from just…
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    Day Off From School

    On Monday a call came in to the school receptionist. "Hello. Please mark William absent…
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    Division Of Brick Labor

    At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his…
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    Golf Cheater

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
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    Efficient Breakfast

    The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to…
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    Check that Address!

    Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He…
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    Milk Switch

    To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods,…
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    Australia Q & A

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website: the answers…

To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house.

The one time you cuss on the radio, your Chief will be listening.

Anything that you do can get you shot - including doing nothing!

You will be decorated for stupidity, and busted for brilliant work.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never respond to a "domestic" with anyone braver than you.

No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.

You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.

Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".

Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.

To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.

Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.

If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.

Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.

Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.

Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.

Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.

Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.

If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.

The speed with which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.

Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.

Bullet proof vests might be.

Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.

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