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More Jokes

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    In Both Ears

    "It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but…
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    Doctor's Advice

    A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw…
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    Happy Birthday Elsie

    I play pinochle regularly with seven other women, most of whom are 70 or older. Recently…
  • Proofreading is an important job in many different fields.

    The Importance of Proofing

    ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our…
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    Helping Out

    For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I…
  • golf tee

    Golf Stroke

    "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at…
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    Sermon Sub

    A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He…
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    Cheap Rhymes With Jeep

    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    Signs You May Be Canadian

    SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN 1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You…
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    12 Step Web Addicts Recovery Program

    1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to,…
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    Understanding Law

    During a Law course class, the 'Audi Alteram Partem' rule was explained. Translated it…
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    Dental Mommy

    For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me,…
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    12 Days of Fastfood

    On the first day of Christmas,My drive through gave to me:A Big Bacon Classic with…
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    Dog Weather

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.If the dog is at the door…

To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house.

The one time you cuss on the radio, your Chief will be listening.

Anything that you do can get you shot - including doing nothing!

You will be decorated for stupidity, and busted for brilliant work.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never respond to a "domestic" with anyone braver than you.

No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes the Chief's idea.

New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.

You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.

Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

The Mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".

Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.

To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.

Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.

If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.

Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.

Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.

Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.

Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.

Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.

If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.

The speed with which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.

Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.

Bullet proof vests might be.

Old squad cars never die, they just smell that way.

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