More Jokes

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    More Strange Warnings

    Here are some more strange warnings on items.On a packet of juggling balls:"This product…
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    Build It and They Will Come

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    Untouched for 600 Years

    A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This…
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    Shovel Need

    One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have…
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    Pick of the Crop

    A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll…
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    Judge's Watch

    A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as…
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    Cat's Guide For Human Care

    More Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human. Cats are beautiful,…
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    Golf Survey

    My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18…
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    Landing Request

    There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his…
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    Getting Closer

    Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit.…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    Summer Camp

    A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer…
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    Behavior Modification

    One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office.When I walked…
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    Quarter Rush

    On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the…
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    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
  • Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
  • You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  • One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
  • It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  • If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
  • I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
  • Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
  • Age doesn't always bring wisdom.  Sometimes age comes alone.
  • Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
  • Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
  • If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
  • I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
  • Amazing!  You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
  • It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
  • Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
  • The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
  • Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
  • Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
  • Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
  • Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  • Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
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