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More Jokes

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    Tense

    An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    Barbecue Forks

    As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long…
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    Cat Joke

    A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him…
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    4th Grade Experiment

    The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she…
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    Applause

    A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a…
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    Carjacking Foiled

    TRUE STORY:Carjacking Foiled:An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4…
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    Not-So-Bright People

    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual…
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    Biggest Lie

    Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you…
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    Too Late To Date

    An elderly woman died last month.Having never married, she requested no male…
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    No Stairs

    An older lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the…
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    Cafeteria Sign

    Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of…
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    Fax Hint

    As a professor at the Air Force Institute of Technology, I taught a series of popular…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
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    Arguing

    The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would…

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."

In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."

On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."

On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence, "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you coming."

On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes.  Sit!  Stay!"

At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"

On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet.  We need to hear a pin drop."

In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  Socks can eat any place they want."

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