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  • university

    Good Morning

    When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When…
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    Officer Overboard

    On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do…
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    Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement

    New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.You will never get the urge to use the…
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    English vs Western

    My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses…
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    Car Cow Sale

    A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a…
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    Dog License

    During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to…
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    Zucchini Sign

    After harvesting the usual bumper crop of squash last year, I took a half-dozen to the…
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    Flight Booking

    After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the…
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    Stockbroker's Secretary

    The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning."I'm sorry," she said, "Mr.…
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    8-Year-Old Asks

    An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy,…
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    Dusty Comeback

    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.One evening my dad returned home from work,…
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    Quiz Query

    My daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying astronomy.One morning at breakfast she…
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    Rest Home Trial

    Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on…
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    Cow-isms

    *Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms.* Socialism: You have…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…

The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Johnson will be setting the pace on our morning run."

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Johnson was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Johnson will be driving a truck."

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