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    Answering Machine Messages

    *Answering Machine Messages*Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already…
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    Toaster Oven

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
  • A funny joke about a dad and his son out fishing.

    Questions

    A man took his son fishing one day. After a few hours in the boat with not much to do,…
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    Cold Cream Questions

    A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face."Why…
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    Incapacitated

    I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part…
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    That's the Way . . .

    Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put…
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    Finished Chores

    My parents are both busy professional people and have trouble finding time for chores and…
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    Medical News

    Dr. Mike Wilson asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad…
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    Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    You Know You're Growing Old When...

    You know you're growing old when... ..you've come to the annoying realization that your…
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    Flight Advice

    On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was…
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    Found Cell Phone

    When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers,…
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    Breakfast Call

    When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the…
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    Information Assistance

    "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One…
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    Goober in Snow Storm

    A goober got lost in her car in a New England snow storm. She remembered what her dad had…

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"

"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

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