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    Hog Mark-up

    My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next…
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    Losing New Balls

    Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his…
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    The Vending Machine

    A goober named Laura is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has…
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    Military Haircut

    Tiring of the same old buzz haircut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went…
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    Meatloaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Correct Response

    While in an instrument flight-training class at Reese Air Force Base, Texas, I dozed off…
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    Full Pockets

    A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and…
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    You're not a kid anymore when....

    You're not a kid anymore when....1. You're asleep but others worry that you're dead.2.…
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    Withheld Pay

    After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a…
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    Pick of the Crop

    A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll…
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    Bedtime Attire

    Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined…
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    Let Us Know

    The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:"Here's a good test…
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    No Contraband

    After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother…
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    Arm Injury

    The brilliant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims that his…
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    Tailing Truck

    A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck…

While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her shot.

"NO! NO! NO!" she screamed.

"Lizzie," her mother scolded. "That's not polite behavior."

At that, the girl yelled even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU!"

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