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    New Phonetic Alphabet

    The same old standard phonetic alphabet (which you would use to describe spelling…
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    Children Under Ten

    Mark Twain's contention was that the most interesting information comes from children,…
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    Quarter Rush

    On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the…
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    Mr. Jones Is History

    Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from…
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    Looking Back

    Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the…
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    Famous Last Words

    * Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.* Step back a bit, I can't get you in the…
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    Laws of Parenting

    *Laws of Parenting*1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next…
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    Steamed Goober

    Back in the good old days of steam engines, a goober who had spent his whole life in the…
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    How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

    *How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?* Golden Retriever: The sun is…
  • computer-keyboard

    Computer Acronyms

    For those computer literate souls out there: ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE -…
  • flower geranium

    Geraniums

    A man walked into a flower shop and after looking around for several minutes, asked the…
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    Price Reduction

    Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per…
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    Valentine's Day

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl…
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    Cake Question

    While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the…
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    Salesman Stop By

    One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie…

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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