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More Jokes

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    Best Guide

    I understand the fix a local hunting guide got himself into.His party became hopelessly…
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    Engine Trouble

    Many years ago before the days of cell phones and data, a friend, driving home from a…
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    Muffin Moving

    After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had…
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    Wrapping Presents With A Cat

    Wrapping Presents With A Cat1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.2. Go to…
  • parrot

    Bilingual Parrot

    This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. He sees one on a perch with a red string…
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    Fish Tattoo

    As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery.…
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    Location Question

    Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into…
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    Official ID Card

    My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange tour with the Royal Navy in…
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    Brave Firefighters

    A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the…
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    New Windows Error Messages

    Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.…
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    Connecting Chaos

    The fur began to fly when my fellow airline passengers learned there was a chance they…
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    Game Time

    A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled…
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    10 Easy Ways To Say No

    I'd love to, but...1 I have to floss my cat.2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.3 I want…

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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