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More Jokes

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    Unwritten Warning Labels

    *Unwritten Warning Labels*On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive…
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    Marry An Actor

    An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand…
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    Key West Tourists

    I was a salesman and always wore a shirt and tie which made me stand out in Key West.…
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    Shower or Tub

    New Englanders are known for their dry wit and logic.Once in Martha's Vineyard a hotel…
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    Lost Balloon

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
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    Do As I Say!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a…
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    Moth Madness

    A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a…
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    Voting Tips

    A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each…
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    Signal Shot

    The new ensign was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out…
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    Concert Lights

    My 14-year-old daughter, Maggie, and her best friend, Joannie are fans of 60's music.…
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    Noah Glue

    Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the…
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    Picture Favor

    Dining out one evening, I noticed six teenagers boisterously celebrating some event at a…
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    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller"…
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    Dad Shopping

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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