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More Jokes

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    Lose the Cat

    A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from…
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    Bricklayer's Insurance Claim

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number…
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    Sponge Mistake

    In the doctors office two patients are talking."You know, I had an appendectomy last…
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    Number Eighteen

    A first time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for…
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    Goober Vacuum

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Bad Sign

    A little boy just couldn't learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the…
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    House Call

    Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house.…
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    Free Will

    A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.…
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    Duck Food

    Duck : Do you have any duck food? Storekeeper: No Duck : Do you have any duck food?…
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    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
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    Goober Dieter

    A goober was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat…
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    Diagnosis

    The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an…
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    Enjoyment of Food

    Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French…
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    Employee Reviews

    Here's some comments taken from employee reviews."Some drink from the fountain of…

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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