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More Jokes

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    You've Got Bottle

    A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of…
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    Census Taker

    An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in…
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    Golf Quitter

    Two men were chatting casually at work over the water cooler. The conversation turned to…
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    Fed Up

    Long ago, on New York's lower east side, Mrs. Spinelli and Mrs. Goldberg were bragging as…
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    Sports Injury

    Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so…
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    More Signs

    In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." On an electrician's…
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    Dangerous Cargo

    Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the…
  • Amish Law

    Amish Law

    An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed…
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    Housework Challenged

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.Seconds after he…
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    Kids' Kitchen Terms

    Kids' Kitchen TermsBOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck"…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

    While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother…
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    More Musings

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged…
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    Teacher Tech Help

    The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me…
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    Movie Breakout

    A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies. During the previews, she asked him if he…
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    Parts Search

    I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his…

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

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