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More Jokes

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    Beauty Watch

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.…
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    Late For Church

    A young girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to Sunday…
  • leftovers

    Family Pressure

    Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers: "It gets rough,"…
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    Government Car

    As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital for treatment…
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    Carried Away Shopping

    In a shop, two men struck up a conversation. Just as one fellow said that his wife was…
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    Setting The Table

    Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for…
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    Birthday Greetings

    Seen on a birthday card.Forget about the past, You can't change it.Forget about the…
  • desert negev

    Mummy Shock

    An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus…
  • Mother's Day photo frame

    What Mom's Really Want

    Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...* 10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone)…
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    Politcal Quotes

    "I resent your insinuendoes." "If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain…
  • school

    Meeting With Teacher

    Miss Smith and Little Johnny's father were having a parent teacher conference. Miss Smith…
  • baby in white

    Baby Wrap

    Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their…
  • knee bones

    Sore Knee

    Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so…
  • store sign

    Don't Have Any

    A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do…
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    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

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