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More Jokes

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    Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse

    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse USA Today:WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal:DOW…
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    That's Hospital Coverage!

    Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for…
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    Birthday Surprise

    A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over…
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    CIA, FBI & LAPD

    The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove…
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    Young Dressing

    When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and…
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    Shoebox Dolls

    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They…
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    The Good Night Kiss

    At the end of their first date, a young man takes the girl back to her home. Emboldened…
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    DIY Complications

    The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him…
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    White Gloves

    Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined…
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    Argument Settled

    The other day, Avril and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would…
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    Lost Balloon

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots…
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    The Lord's Prayer - Sort of

    A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at…
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    More Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement

    To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible! Anyone that flirts…
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    Bridge Fishing

    Two Goobers notice a couple of guys by a bridge. The one guy drops over the bridge being…

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

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