More Jokes

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    Captain Discipline

    About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a…
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    Chicken Answers

    Before you get to today‚Äôs supersized CleanLaugh, a bit down this e-mail (post number…
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    Do You Have?

    A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do…
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    Today's Little Axioms

    1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.2. He who laughs last, thinks…
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    Battle Hymn of Term Finals

    Mine eyes have seen the horrorOf the ending of the termIt has poisoned all my spiritsLike…
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    $100 Coffee

    A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup…
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    Carrier Landings

    Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is THE most…
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    Are We There Yet?

    The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so…
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    Foreign Languages

    A Swiss guy visited Sydney, Australia, and pulled up at a bus stop where two locals were…
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    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    Kid Wisdom

    When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer.Never tell your Mom…
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    Quantum Date

    Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the…
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    Wedding Cake Verse

    A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding…
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    Never Too Old

    Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one…
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    What is This?

    A Rabbi, a Priest and a Salvation Army pastor walk into a bar.The bartender says to them,…

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

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