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    Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

    We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the…
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    Silent Drums

    An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him…
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    Taa-Daa!

    A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet, and instructs the guy to hit him…
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    Exam Help

    The final exam in electrical engineering worried my son, Don. On the last day of class,…
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    Four Letter Surgery

    Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm OK,…
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    Will She Say Yes?

    An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and…
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    Computer Error

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Bob the computer guy, to come over.…
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    You Are A Bad Cook If…

    You can find "You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...part 1" here. - The last time you tried…
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    Graduation Speech Notes

    When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from…
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    Children's Attempts at Hymns

    *Children's Attempts at Singing Well Known Hymns* Sometimes kids get things a…
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    Setting The Table

    Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for…
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    Work Confusion

    A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks.The man was…
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    Gift Excitement

    The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very…
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    Job Interview

    Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer…
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    Grandpa's Gift

    The following is a true story submitted by list member Mary Lou F. from Kincardine,…

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

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