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    Broken Scale

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Needled

    At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going…
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    4th Grade Experiment

    The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she…
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    Thanks, Honey

    A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes…
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    Cow Predictions

    A midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. "One of…
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    Police Pastor

    A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the…
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    Roof Chicken

    One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto…
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    Bell Call

    The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.An exciting new discovery is about to take…
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    Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

    1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"2. In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3. "Your…
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    Inspector Mom

    Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?…
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    Rental Description

    On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver…
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    Vacuous Goober

    It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."Her question…
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    Lawyer Choice

    There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came…
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    Three Mothers

    Three mothers are sitting on a park bench talking about (what else?) how much their sons…
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    Delete Button

    Unfortunately, we humans do not come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths.My…

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

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