logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

One-liners

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You! Off my planet!
9. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
10. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
11. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
12. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
13. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
14. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
15. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
16. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
17. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
18. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
20. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
21. Allow me to introduce my selves.
22. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
23. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
24. Better living through denial.
25. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
26. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
27. Adult child of alien invaders.
28. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
29. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
30. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
31. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
32. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
33. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
34. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
35. Adults are just kids who owe money.
36. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
39. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
40. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
41. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
42. Is it time for your medication or mine?
43. I plead contemporary insanity.
44. And which dwarf are you?
45. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
46. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. Meandering to a different drummer.
49. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • bride

    Give and Take

    All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They…
  • Default Image

    Australia Q & A

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website: the answers…
  • Default Image

    Future Price of Roses

    The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to…
  • Default Image

    Kiss Good-bye

    "Dad," a teenaged girl says, running into her father's den, "I'd like to kiss you…
  • Default Image

    The Grandma Test

    I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter. She picked up something off the…
  • Default Image

    Fortunate Aged People

    Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in…
  • Default Image

    Minister Call

    A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.During her struggle the…
  • Default Image

    Whisper Shock

    When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my…
  • picture of university building

    How To Write A College Paper

    How to write a College Paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted…
  • Default Image

    Get Me Out

    My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest…
  • Default Image

    Understanding the Metric System

    1 million microphones = 1 megaphone1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles2000 mockingbirds = 2…
  • Default Image

    Lodge Meeting

    The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.She…
  • Default Image

    Top Ten Y2K Survivalists To Do Lis

    10. Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident...offer to replace dog. 9. Take up…
  • Default Image

    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
  • Default Image

    No Rest

    The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and…