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More Jokes

  • lincoln memorial

    Abe Lincoln's Age

    A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the…
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    Needle Manners

    While I was working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving…
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    Last Words Heard

    3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all…
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    Answering Machine Messages

    *Answering Machine Messages*Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already…
  • Signs of our Time

    Signs of the Times

    In a veterinarian's office:"All unattended children given free kitten" In the parking lot…
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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
  • Poorly worded ad causes trouble.

    Sewing Machine Ad

    The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last…
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    Dog Report

    Craig's two kids are in the same class at school, and the teacher had the class write…
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    Why Don't I see You?

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was…
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    Why Dogs Can't Use Computers

    *Why Dogs Can't Use Computers*10. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.9. SIT and…
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    Kitchen Wizard

    My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she…
  • car theft

    Car Alarms

    I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What…
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    Bachelor Cooking

    Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    Mule Solution

    A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left…

1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won't park on your lawn.

2. Use it as building material. (This is actually what the Ancient Egyptians used to build the Great Pyramids.)

3. Keep one under your pillow for home defense.

4. Send one to the junk mail company with a note asking them to take you off their list.

5. It's colorful, use it as a Yule Log.

6. Carve the Presidents' faces in it and submit as a science or art project.

7. Use it as a base for flower arrangements.

8. Donate to the local airport for use as airliner wheel blocks.

9. Grind a few up and give it back to your parents in a bag marked "lawn fertilizer."

10. For a community project, sink a few in the ocean and build an artificial reef.

11. Tie one to each foot when you walk through deep snow to keep your feet dry.

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