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    Sticking Out

    At our daughter's high school graduation, I couldn't help noticing a young man sporting a…
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    Reading Glasses

    I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses…
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    Innocent Question

    A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not…
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    Isn't That Nice?

    Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing…
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    Cowboy's Guide to Life

    Don't squat with your spurs on. Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you…
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    School Daze

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    No Rest

    The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and…
  • spray can

    Read The Label

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
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    Lunch On The Bank

    A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve…
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    What He Says - What He Means

    What He Says - What He Means"I'm going fishing."Really means: "I'm going to stand by a…
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    Doctor Quotes

    The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by…
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    Labor Costs

    A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with…
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    Chess Playing Dog

    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He…
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    First Date Nerves

    A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks…
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    Zoo Thank You

    As a volunteer who conducts educational tours of the Zoo, Sally occasionally receives…

computer keyboardI don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very ordinary and tedious. Here are some fun alternatives:

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Pointy-Haired Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

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