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    Extra Languages

    A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting.…
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    Country Refreshment

    A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little…
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    No Speaka Da German

    A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed…
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    Klopman Diamond

    A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the…
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    New Convert Help

    He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around the edges, but he was recently…
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    Quick Thinking Clerk

    There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could…
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    Season Ticket Swap

    Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly,…
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    Government Farm Visit

    A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the…
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    Goober Dieter

    A goober was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat…
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    Parking Solution

    A pastor of a two-church parish had to drive every Sunday morning about 4 miles from the…
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    New Apartment

    A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants…
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    Missed Call

    My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One…
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    Real Newspaper Ads

    These are real ads from a newspaper. 1. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850 or best offer 2.…
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    Withheld Pay

    After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a…
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    Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner

    You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honour…

I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-replies so ordinary and tedious. Here are some fun alternatives.

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Pointy-Haired Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

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