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    Cure For Lateness

    Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.…
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    Mom's Time Out

    My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.One Saturday, as Mom was…
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    Salt Lake vs. Denver

    I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the…
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    Show and Tell

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best…
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    Sore Mover

    Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving…
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    Three Gifts

    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they…
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    Egg Timing

    A friend of mine, a new bride, was on her honeymoon and spent one night at her spouse's…
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    The Vending Machine

    A goober named Laura is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has…
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    Cruise Questions

    Top Ten Silliest Questions asked on a Cruise Ship - Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the…
  • fire station

    Fire Test

    Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall. Before each…
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    Dial A Prayer Twist

    They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but…
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    Collateral

    I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a…
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    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
  • police pull over

    Speeding Ticket

    A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have…
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    Clerk Problem

    In a department store, Sandra and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting…

computer keyboardI don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very ordinary and tedious. Here are some fun alternatives:

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Pointy-Haired Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

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