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    Birth Wharp

    Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was…
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    Helping Out

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    Vacuous Goober

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    You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When

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    What He Says - What He Means

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    Snack Costs

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    Horse Batter

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  • picture of a bumper sticker on a guitar

    More Bumper Stickers

    * FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. * I can't dial 911.…
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    Sermon Sub

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    Loudest Band

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    Card Dog

    A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog…
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    Swanky Dining

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    Engine Failure

    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced,…
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    The Big Sale

    It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local…
  • The Seniors' Serenity Prayer

    Serenity for Seniors

    God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to…

computer keyboardI don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very ordinary and tedious. Here are some fun alternatives:

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Pointy-Haired Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

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