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  • wise owl

    Words and Questions From the Wise

    *Words and Questions From the "Wise"* I intend to live forever. So far, so good. If…
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    Reading Glasses

    I took my 5 year old grandson to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses. The glasses…
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    Favorite Animal

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said…
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    Cat Prayer

    Cat PrayerNow I lay me down to sleep,I pray this cushy life to keep.I pray for toys that…
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    Friends Like That

    A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting."How are we…
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    Wrapping Help

    My wife asked me to help wrap Christmas presents this year, but I was watching football…
  • law offices

    Lawyer Questions

    The following questions from lawyers (and answers from witnesses) were taken from…
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    That's It

    A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece…
  • mailbox

    Letter From Mom

    When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My…
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    Bush Gore Debate

    For those who didn't have time to watch the presidential debate, we've prepared this…
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    The Night of Thanksgiving

    And after all is said and done.....the kitchen cleaned up, the football game is over, the…
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    Carrier Landings 2

    Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the…
  • police pull over

    Pull Over Cookies

    Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper…
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    Prayer Positions

    Three ministers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman…
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    Roughing It

    A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband…
If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results.

The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.

Avenge yourself ~~~ live long enough to be a problem to your children.

The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere ~~ and hide the keys to the car.

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.

Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car.

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

There are only two things a child will share willingly:  communicable diseases and his mother's age.

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.

An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children.
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