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    Bad Flight

    While ferrying workers back and forth from an offshore oil rig, the helicopter lost power…
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    One Hard Question

    There was a student who wanted to be admitted to the University.He was smart enough to…
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    10 Questions

    Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who…
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    Out Of Step

    As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching…
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    Blind Pilots

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Kid Wisdom

    When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer.Never tell your Mom…
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    Late For Sunday School

    A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt…
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    Mail Worker

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Huge Steak

    A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day…
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    Flower Request

    "I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you…
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    Tight Shoes

    A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the…
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    You're Not A Monk

    A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the…
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    Millionaire's Driver

    Millionaire: What's your name, driver? Driver: Alfred, sir. Millionaire: I always call my…
  • passenger window on plane

    Popping Ears

    Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight.…
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    Job Search Woe

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure…

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Now rub your hands in the Wet flower bed and rub on the walls.  Cover the stains with crayons.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.  (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.  Lay down your Bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store.  Set your wallet on the counter.  Ask the clerk to help himself.  Now proceed to the nearest food store.  Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.  Purchase a newspaper.  Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

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