logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Parenting Test

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Now rub your hands in the Wet flower bed and rub on the walls.  Cover the stains with crayons.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.  (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.  Lay down your Bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store.  Set your wallet on the counter.  Ask the clerk to help himself.  Now proceed to the nearest food store.  Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.  Purchase a newspaper.  Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Advertising Terms Explained

    *Advertising Terms Explained*NEW - Different color from previous design.ALL NEW - Parts…
  • chicken cooked

    Chicken Recipe

    Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb. chicken1 cup melted butter1 cup stuffing1 cup uncooked…
  • Default Image

    New Car

    The first Sunday after my husband and I bought a new car, we parked it in the last row of…
  • Default Image

    Project Picture

    My 12 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it…
  • Default Image

    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
  • map usa

    State of the Pastor

    The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked…
  • Default Image

    Takes One To Know One

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
  • Default Image

    Mental Test

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and his host naturally…
  • suitcases

    Travelling Too Light

    A joke from back in the day when people needed a paper ticket to board an airplane ... A…
  • Default Image

    Sibling Takes

    As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children…
  • Default Image

    Slow Train

    A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger…
  • Default Image

    Play Quietly

    Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but…
  • laundry washing machine

    Housework Challenged

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he…
  • Default Image

    One Seat Allowed

    A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by…
  • Default Image

    No Gun Hunting

    There's this guy who shows up at a cabin where these hunters have gathered to hunt bear.…