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    Late For Sunday School

    A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt…
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    Incapacitated

    I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part…
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    Forgetfulness

    While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old…
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    Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment

    *Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment* - I don't know what we'll do without you,…
  • Mother's Day photo frame

    What Mom's Really Want

    Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...* 10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone)…
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    Mechanic Rate

    A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair. "This is…
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    Punctuation

    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    Not Going To Church

    On a Sunday morning a mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells him it's time to…
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    Pig Feed

    There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the…
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    Deck Praise

    I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my…
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    Lost Bid

    Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly…
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    1 in 5

    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family,…
  • County Chairmen

    County Chairmen

    Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman…
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    Sayings About Aging

    Thoughts on Growing Old ~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else…
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    Nativity Quiz

    A minister is visiting his children to celebrate Christmas. When he walks into the house,…

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Now rub your hands in the Wet flower bed and rub on the walls.  Cover the stains with crayons.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.  (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.  Lay down your Bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store.  Set your wallet on the counter.  Ask the clerk to help himself.  Now proceed to the nearest food store.  Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.  Purchase a newspaper.  Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

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