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More Jokes

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    Watch Your Hat and Overcoat

    The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat and Overcoat."Meyer…
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    Where's God?

    Two brothers in a small town were well-known as trouble makers. If there was a problem in…
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    Men and Women

    Differences Between Men & Women NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out…
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    New Recruit

    As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had…
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    Convent Card

    As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I…
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    Bulletproof

    The speaker at a bank's drive-through window had been broken for weeks, and the tellers…
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    What Happened

    "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in…
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    Punctuation

    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    Accident and Interview

    Thorn was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off…
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    Top Ten Best Golf Caddie Remarks

    #10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep…
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    Pastor Jim's Bungee Jump

    Pastor Jim was called to pastor a large Southern Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas. He…
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    The Gift

    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday. A friend of his said, "I…
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    Sick At Church

    Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden vomit…
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    Misquote

    A friend of mine attended a Christian college where the tradition was to deliver a box of…
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    Tough Kids

    Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were."I'm so tough", said the first…

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Now rub your hands in the Wet flower bed and rub on the walls.  Cover the stains with crayons.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos.  (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM.  Lay down your Bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM.  Set alarm for 5:00 AM.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)
Go to the nearest drug store.  Set your wallet on the counter.  Ask the clerk to help himself.  Now proceed to the nearest food store.  Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.  Purchase a newspaper.  Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

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