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More Jokes

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    Eyes Gone

    Yesterday I went to the opticians, walked up to the counter and said to the guy on duty,…
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    Jack's Will

    Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's last will…
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    Goober Exam

    The Goober reported for her University final examination, which consisted of"yes/no" type…
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    Baggage Problem

    The flight attendant watched a passenger try to stuff his hopelessly overloaded bags into…
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    Car Cow Sale

    A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a…
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    Salt and Mensa

    Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher.A few years ago, there…
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    Conch Sale

    In a misguided burst of creativity, I installed a night-light in a conch shell I found on…
  • Hudson river_plane

    NTSB Report on Flight 1549

    Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549. Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions…
  • A joke about a boss's speech that goes too long.

    Blah Blah Blah

    The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his…
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    Good Guess

    A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation,"…
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    Elementary Motherhood

    Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions: Why…
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    Happy Birthday Ten Again

    A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love…
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    A Great Job

    A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m.…
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    Memo Differences

    Memo from Director General to Manager:Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse…
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    Goodbye From George

    George had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out his Last Will and…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs.  Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs.  Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show", "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.

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