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More Jokes

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    Need Help?

    I saw a billboard yesterday that said: Need help? Call Jesus.1-800-555-HELP Out of…
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    Screaming patient

    A woman went to doctors the office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after…
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    Official ID Card

    My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange tour with the Royal Navy in…
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    Red, Yellow, Blue

    One afternoon, this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his…
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    Engine Failure

    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced,…
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    The Head Hog

    The secretary picked up the phone and heard a very "countryfied" voice on the other end…
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    Home Mechanic Tools

    Home Mechanics Tools and their usage: HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the…
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    Ten Minute Wait

    I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    3rd Grader's Explanation of God

    Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade…
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    Swanky Dining

    The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d,…
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    Celebrating The Raise

    My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous…
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    First I Got

    Elmer says, "First, I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that…
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    Toilet Brush

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…
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    Kids on Marriage

    Kids on marriage.... How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?******- "You flip a nickel,…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs.  Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs.  Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show", "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.

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