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    Signs You Need a New Pizza Place

    ~ The pizza's secrets ingredient is still moving. ~ The delivery kid is packing. ~ This…
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    Hot Shot Pilot

    A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a…
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    Test Results Good News

    Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer. "Dad," said…
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    Airline Rage

    As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next…
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    Deep Thoughts

    From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep…
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    Looking Back

    Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the…
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    Wacky Warnings

    Here are the top five winning entries in the Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by…
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    Ash Request

    A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me…
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    Missing Car Parts

    A goober calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is…
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    Teachers About to Retire

    You know you're a retiree-to-be when... 1. Fellow staff members greet you in the hall…
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    Three Chairs

    A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to…
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    Taps System

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…
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    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer*

    *Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer* 1. Well, it's…
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    No More Gators

    While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but…
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    Workin' on the Railroad

    Benny wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. At his interview, the inspector asked…

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs.  Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs.  Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show", "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.

Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.

Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.

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