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More Jokes

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    Waiting For Years

    We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we…
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    Parking Concern

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    Field Test

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    Solid to Gas

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    Charity Better than Expected

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    Two Feet

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    Military Chat

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    A Man's Guide to What A Woman Is Saying

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    Signs the Childhood is Over

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    Invitation

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    Lumberjack

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    Kids' Instructions for Life

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    Lost In Canada

    An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost on the prairie. After what…
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    Famous Last Words

    * Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.* Step back a bit, I can't get you in the…
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    3 eggs - 50 years

    A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of…

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.  The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way!  A cat certainly can't do everything.  I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it!  A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede?  I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay...  I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and...  it's immaculate!  All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.  He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.  The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered.  The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door.  10 minutes later...no centipede.  20 minutes later...  no centipede.  30 minutes later...no centipede.  By this point the man is wondering what's going on.  So he goes to the front door, opens it...  and there's the centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey!!  I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper.  What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'!  I'm goin'!  I'm just putting on my shoes!"

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