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More Jokes

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    No Wonder English is So Hard to Learn

    No wonder English is so hard to learn. We polish the Polish furniture.He could lead if he…
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    Sibling Takes

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    Solid to Gas

    Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the sessions…
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    Crossing the Road

    There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming…
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    Miscellaneous Ponderings

    A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.On my desk, I…
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    Future Son In Law?

    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in…
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    The Buck Stops Where?

    A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, "Hey, where have you been? I haven't…
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    The Night of Tax Day

    Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the…
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    Four Little Words

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.…
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    Dentist Bill

    A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained.…
  • Mount Union College Ohio

    Medieval History

    My friend, an American history professor at Mount Union College in Ohio, was asked to…
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    Strange 911 Calls

    *Strange 911 Calls*A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share…
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    Lobster Pets

    After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two…
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    Return Policy

    The store's policy on returns was prominently posted at every register as well as…
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    Wedding Dress Blues

    When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day…

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.  The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way!  A cat certainly can't do everything.  I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it!  A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede?  I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay...  I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and...  it's immaculate!  All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.  He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room.  The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered.  The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door.  10 minutes later...no centipede.  20 minutes later...  no centipede.  30 minutes later...no centipede.  By this point the man is wondering what's going on.  So he goes to the front door, opens it...  and there's the centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey!!  I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper.  What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'!  I'm goin'!  I'm just putting on my shoes!"

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