More Jokes

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    Too Late To Date

    An elderly woman died last month.Having never married, she requested no male…
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    New Employee Travel Policy

    Due to the budget constraints, the following policies are announced regarding employees…
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    Address Change

    My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas…
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    New Survivor

    Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show? Here's the details: - 6 Married…
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    Carried Away Shopping

    In a shop, two men struck up a conversation. Just as one fellow said that his wife was…
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    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
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    First Salute

    The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Cow Help

    A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car…
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    Get the Picture

    Two weeks after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the…
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    Distraught Senior

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know,…
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    Government Farm Visit

    A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the…
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    Dr. Dress

    During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room.…
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    All Roads Lead Back to Rome

    The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.…
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    Missing Car Parts

    A goober calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is…
Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not have received:

1.  Thanks a lot!

2.  My word!  What a gift.

3.  Well, well, well ...

4.  If I hadn't put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.

5.  Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We're always losing things around here.

6.  It's great; but I'm worried about the envy it may create.

7.  Just my luck to get this on the very Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.

8.  Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5's Witness Protection programme.

9.  Frankly, I don't deserve this.

10. Really, you shouldn't have.
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