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More Jokes

  • woman desk

    The Importance of Correct Punctuation

    We've all been told how important it is to use correct punctuation. Well, here is a…
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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Blind Pilots

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Check Signing

    Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and…
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    Charity Answer

    Father O'Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He…
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    Computer Users

    Computer users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate, and Expert. Novice…
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    Bulletin Humor

    I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than the ones that these occurred in.…
  • If General Motors had a car help line

    Car Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because…
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    Parrot Problems

    A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a…
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    Hair Mission

    In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a…
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    Freeway Repair

    An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up for years.Recently, someone…
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    Denture Feedback

    A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set…
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    Living to 104

    At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his…
  • uspenny

    Penny Problems

    After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard…
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    Goober Mirror

    Two goobers, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.Carol noticed a compact on the…
Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not have received:

1.  Thanks a lot!

2.  My word!  What a gift.

3.  Well, well, well ...

4.  If I hadn't put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.

5.  Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We're always losing things around here.

6.  It's great; but I'm worried about the envy it may create.

7.  Just my luck to get this on the very Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.

8.  Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5's Witness Protection programme.

9.  Frankly, I don't deserve this.

10. Really, you shouldn't have.
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