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More Jokes

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    Anniversary Card

    It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office.He told the…
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    Flight Fear

    Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting…
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    Last Marathon

    Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was…
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    Cooking Terms

    Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a…
  • A woman keeps her promise to send money with her deceased husband.

    Sending it With Him

    There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a…
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    Inspector Mom

    Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?…
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    Shopping Plan

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…
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    Translation Please

    A French guest, staying in a American hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black…
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    Rules for Editing

    Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this…
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    Flight Advice

    On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was…
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    Missing Church

    Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning, that they…
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    Cast Your Bread

    My mom, a difficult independent, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day…
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    Nervous Preacher

    A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes…
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    Fuel Trudge

    After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it…
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    Old Goats

    A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a…
Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not have received:

1.  Thanks a lot!

2.  My word!  What a gift.

3.  Well, well, well ...

4.  If I hadn't put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.

5.  Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We're always losing things around here.

6.  It's great; but I'm worried about the envy it may create.

7.  Just my luck to get this on the very Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.

8.  Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5's Witness Protection programme.

9.  Frankly, I don't deserve this.

10. Really, you shouldn't have.
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