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    Call For A Ride

    Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One…
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    Restaurant Return

    An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an…
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    For Sale Sign

    A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming…
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    Dad Knew

    My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.He told me that he knew…
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    Hiccup Cure

    A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out,…
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    Fly Bye

    A woman walked into her house to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.…
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    $100 Coffee

    A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup…
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    Solid to Gas

    Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the sessions…
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    More Too Much Coffee

    You know you've been drinking too much coffee when...You can take a picture of yourself…
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    Quick Thinking Clerk

    There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could…
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    Career Choice

    A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows…
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    Strangest Recording

    I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.It said, "You…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
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    Dead Politicians

    A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught…
Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not have received:

1.  Thanks a lot!

2.  My word!  What a gift.

3.  Well, well, well ...

4.  If I hadn't put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.

5.  Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We're always losing things around here.

6.  It's great; but I'm worried about the envy it may create.

7.  Just my luck to get this on the very Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.

8.  Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5's Witness Protection programme.

9.  Frankly, I don't deserve this.

10. Really, you shouldn't have.
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