logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Pilot Humor

Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintenance engineers.  After attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the pilots squawks.  The following are some recent squawks and subsequent responses by maintenance crews.

(P) is the problem logged by the pilot, and (S) marks the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on backorder.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for!!

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine three found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

More Jokes

  • woman3

    Musings

    * A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.My desk is my…
  • mouse

    Church Mice Problem

    Three pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first pastor said, "Ya know,…
  • Default Image

    Head First Entry

    A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a…
  • baseball1

    Bat Delivery

    As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment…
  • Default Image

    Word Impatience

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
  • Default Image

    Creative Duelling

    In bygone days, a thin man insulted a large man. The large man challenged his tormentor…
  • Default Image

    Young Patient

    A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at…
  • keyboard computer

    Military Computer

    Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The…
  • Default Image

    Skinny Lumberjack

    A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a…
  • Default Image

    Birthday-Anniversary

    A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a 'birthday/anniversary card.'…
  • man

    The Perfect Man

    The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful…
  • Default Image

    Tax Colors

    A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American."Our…
  • Default Image

    Wacky Definitions

    Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the law!Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal…
  • Picture of a chef with thumb down

    You are a lousy cook if.…

    You are a lousy cook if.... Your family automatically heads for the table every time they…
  • doctor3

    Doctor's Writing

    Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?…