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    Cancelling Cards

    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to…
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    Correction

    Frustrated at always being corrected by my hubby, I decided the next time it happened I…
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    Wireless Security

    How to install a wireless security system:Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's…
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    A Few Fishing Definitions

    HOOK - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement used to…
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    Cat Sale

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Face Warning

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped…
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    Perfect Spouse

    A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse.…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Why Some Countries CAN'T Go Metric

    If the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the…
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    Rare Steak

    Three Texas cowboys went to a steakhouse to eat. Each was trying to impress the…
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    The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness

    *The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness* 1. The Macy's One Day Sale Flu. 2. The…
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    Farewell Luncheon

    The staff at the office where my wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a…
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    Shoebox Dolls

    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They…
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    Research Team

    A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the…
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    Goober Doubling

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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