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More Jokes

  • new years_eve

    Attainable New Year's Resolutions

    This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight; at least 30 pounds. - Stop exercising; waste of…
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    Published Sermons

    After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor.…
  • passenger window on plane

    Popping Ears

    Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight.…
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    Unbreakable

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Dental Mommy

    For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me,…
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    Office Dog

    A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a…
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    Warning Sign

    Vacationing in Alaska, I couldn't help but notice all the warnings about bears posted in…
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    Where did I come from?

    One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come…
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    Bar Room Houdini

    A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance"…
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    Rental Description

    On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver…
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    Boy Scout Tips

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the…
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    Resume Cover Letters

    These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune"…
  • face stressed

    You Know You're in Trouble When

    You know you'rein trouble when ... Your accountant's letter of resignation is postmarked…
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    Failing Eyesight

    An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was…
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    Medical Term Needed

    The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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