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More Jokes

  • kitchen new

    Fiery Love

    Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they…
  • car old

    Car Ads

    If the car ad claims these items, it really means: - rough condition = too bad to lie…
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    Future Price of Roses

    The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to…
  • chicken cooked

    Chicken Recipe

    Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb. chicken1 cup melted butter1 cup stuffing1 cup uncooked…
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    Lost Over Washington State

    A helicopter was flying around above Washington State yesterday when an electrical…
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    Missionary Mimicking

    A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the…
  • firetruck

    Brave Firefighters

    A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the…
  • sports balls

    *Famous Sports Quotes*

    "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman…
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    Graduation Speech Notes

    When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from…
  • picture of weights

    Weight For Help

    Somewhat skeptical of his son's new found determination to become Charles Atlas, the…
  • F 15 fighter jet

    Recruiting Crisis

    The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a…
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    Athletics Anonymous

    These days, with all the emphasis on one's physical fitness, a new organization has…
  • baseball

    Fly Catch

    My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los Angeles Dodgers…
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    1-800-45TEACH

    A high school senior, saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a…
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    Parrot Auction

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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