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    Bath Note

    Dear Kids,Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath.…
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    Toy Advice

    A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional…
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    Lawyer Choice

    There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came…
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    Van Gogh Family Tree

    After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had…
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    Inspiring Music

    A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to…
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    Getting Older

    Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long…
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    Natural Antibiotic

    While serving as associate pastor in a church in the California gold country, I had an…
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    Summer Job Hunt

    My brother wants me to find him a summer job. He asked me to check with my boss, my…
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    Civil War Re-enactment

    Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the re-enactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's…
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    Senior's Ode to Medication

    A row of bottles on my shelfcaused me to analyze myself.One yellow pill I have to popGoes…
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    $100.00 Please

    A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.…
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    Rules for Editing

    Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this…
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    Mule Solution

    A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left…
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    Holding Hands

    While at the mall, I saw an elderly couple holding hands while they were walking. As they…
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    CIA, FBI & LAPD

    The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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