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More Jokes

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    Swindled

    A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it.…
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    Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire

    1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left…
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    Cleaning Job

    Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple.…
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    Top Ten Toys You May Have Trouble Finding This Year

    10. Sister's Dollhouse and Night Vision Ninja Assassin 9. Tuba Hero - World Tour8. Low…
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    Pain Management

    My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain…
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    Unwritten Warning Labels

    *Unwritten Warning Labels*On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive…
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    Mouse Mom

    A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks…
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    Bad Sign

    A little boy just couldn't learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the…
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    How To Interpret Employment Ads

    "Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "Join…
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    New Home No Hears

    Top ten things you don't want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to…
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    Computer Users

    Computer users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate, and Expert. Novice…
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    The Night of Tax Day

    Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the…
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    Exercise Classes

    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.If I *had*…
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    Dad Shopping

    In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with…
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    Swahili Gasp

    A company was producing an English-language movie. In one scene, an exhausted messenger…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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