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More Jokes

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    Exercise Routine

    Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Truth About Children

    Truth About Children: - A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. - A…
  • picture of bank vault door

    Banking Woes

    The girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial…
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    Friendly Pig

    A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask…
  • studying ahead

    Ode To Finals Week

    Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,The students were praying for…
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    Dance Rejection

    A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at…
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    Homilies To Live By

    Homilies To Live ByGive a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to…
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    Overdue at the Movies

    Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and her husband broke the monotony…
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    Army Nurse Training

    During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the…
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    Shopping Wife Find

    A couple went Christmas shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and…
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    Re-Gifting

    She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, she thought, I have that…
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    Quotable Quotes

    I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department…
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    Boss and E-Mail

    I used to work for a multimillion dollar consulting firm doing desktop support. The…
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    Build It and They Will Come

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    Money Date

    Part way through his dinner date, my brother deduced the woman he was with was more…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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