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    Senior's Ode to Medication

    A row of bottles on my shelfcaused me to analyze myself.One yellow pill I have to popGoes…
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    Wrong Chanel

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
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    Votive Candles

    Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children…
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    Roof Chicken

    One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto…
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    3 eggs - 50 years

    A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of…
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    Golf Deduction

    Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth…
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    10 Most Wanted

    Little Sammy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station.…
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    What Does That Mean?

    Little Levi attended church for the first time with his buddy, Jimmy. As the pastor got…
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    Canine Complex

    A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to…
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    Public Servant Sentence

    "Write a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher. The small boy wrote, "The…
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    Missing Church

    Two men were fishing on a lake, feeling guilty that it was a Sunday morning, that they…
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    Textbook For Sale

    Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the…
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    Getting Younger

    Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.…
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    Heredity

    Father, Mother and their 3 sons, John (the oldest), Mike (middle) and Steve (youngest)…
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    Interview Excerpts

    The following, allegedly, are actual post-interview excerpts collected from middle…
"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."

"To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility."

"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators."

"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there."

"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."

"Let's do this in one foul swoop."

"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."

"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."

"I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks."

"The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13."

"I hate to confuse myself with the facts."

"We have a permanent plan for the time being."

"Family planning has many misconceptions."

"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city."

"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."

"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."

"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."

"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

"In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema."
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