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    Accident Prayer

    As my five-year-old-son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car…
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    Mouse Repellant

    A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a…
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    Wireless Security

    How to install a wireless security system:Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's…
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    Letter Pride

    One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student. "Why,…
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    What Mom Really Wants

    Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day 10. To be able to eat a whole candy…
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    Waking Up

    This week a man awoke from a coma that had lasted for 62 years. His first question was,…
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    House Calls

    A pipe burst in a doctor's house, and he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked…
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    Ten Laws of Life

    1. When ones hands are covered in oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch.…
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    Sibling Takings

    As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children…
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    Making Babies

    A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We…
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    Searching For Witnesses

    The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a…
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    Funny Answering Machines

    "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very…
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    Navy Shots

    While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got…
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    Fishing Trip

    "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip…
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    Free to Go

    Jon and Amanpreet were in an institution. This place had an annual contest where they…

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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