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    Silent Monastery

    Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is…
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    Open Mouth, Insert Foot

    At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with…
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    Change Reply

    Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw…
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    $0.00

    In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his…
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    SPCA Rescue

    "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?""Yes.""I…
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    Husband's Check

    Proud and pleased as she could be, the new, young bride, Mrs. Stanford Strothers, strode…
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    Auction Parrot

    One day a man went to an auction.While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this…
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    Insufficient Brain Activity

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
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    Rice Preference

    The young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of…
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    Frazzled Doctor

    As soon as I stepped into the urgent-care facility in my hometown, I could see the place…
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    Rich Guy

    One day a rich man drives pass a open field and he sees a guy standing there eating grass…
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    Online Support Group

    There's a new online support group for people who are addicted to the internet.It meets…
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    Deer Prayer

    The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.Or…
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    28 Ounce Water Pump

    A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump."A what?" says…
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    Dirty Hands in Class

    A teacher sees a student entering the classroom, his hands are very dirty.She stopped him…

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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