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More Jokes

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    One Seat Allowed

    A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by…
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    Haircut Plan

    I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be…
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    Sending It With Him

    There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a…
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    Mommy Test

    I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the…
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    Rules for Editing

    Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this…
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    Left Behind

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
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    Anesthesiologist Bill

    Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to…
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    Suffering Vanity

    Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her…
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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Cooking Terms

    Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a…
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    Pupil's Question

    A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate.""Ah, my son, it is what has brought great…
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    Burns and Benny

    Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers working their…
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    Golfer's Tale

    A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran's turn. "Well," he…
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    Cow Puzzler

    This is a cool puzzler. See if you can follow it - out loud is even better!1. Say COW…
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    Silent Monastery

    Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is…

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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