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  • bible open

    Misquote

    A friend of mine attended a Christian college where the tradition was to deliver a box of…
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    Meet the Parents

    A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my…
  • lawn ornaments

    Lawn Ornaments

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…
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    Prenatal Visit

    A couple was making their first visit to Dr. Mike Wilson prior to the birth of their…
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    Return Policy

    The store's policy on returns was prominently posted at every register as well as…
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    Survivalist Training

    A Scoutmaster was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the Alaskan wilderness. "What…
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    Favorite Animal

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said…
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    Military Chat

    During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different…
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    Lion Attack

    Two wildlife documentary film makers were filming a wild lion in Africa when they both…
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    Pay Mistakes

    One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything…
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    Insurance Reflection

    Bill's barn burned down, and his wife Polly called the insurance company.Polly told the…
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    "Dilbert Quote" Contest

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to…
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    Fruit Cake Top Ten

    Top Ten Uses for Fruit Cake10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.9. Use…
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    Hmmmm... Ham Sandwich

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce…
  • tail light

    Helpful Mechanic

    Sally told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was…

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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