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More Jokes

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    Lost Ticket

    Albert Einstein was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on…
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    Coach Call

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    Sauce Control Center

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    English vs Western

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    Baseball Basics

    At one point during a game, the baseball coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…
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    Away From His Desk

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    Old Red

    Red Buttons, appearing on Dennis Miller's Show, announced he was 80 years old but that 80…
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    Shades of Tanning

    Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights so long that…
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    Worker Ants

    The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker…
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    Employee Gift

    A new pastor, eager to make sure the church's employees would like him, called them…
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    Self Defense

    During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the…
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    Handy Gadget

    After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time,…
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    Even More Musings

    1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 2. One nice thing about egotists: They…
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    The Woodcutter

    This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a…
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    Strange Exam Answers

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in…

Prayers as Heard By Children

From San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this prayer as "Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name." I always thought that was God's real name.



Groton, Mass: My mother spent her early childhood saying, "Hail Mary, full of grapes."



Missoula, Mont: My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?"



Uniontown, Ohio: I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this day our jelly bread."



Covina, Calif: I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to the flag."



Cleveland, Ohio: When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You know: "I pledge allegiance to the flag . . . and to the republic for Richard Stands."



Schenectady, N.Y.: I once knew a child whose favorite Sunday school song was "Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear."



Tampa, Fla: When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain prayer was "He suffered under a bunch of violets." The real words were "under Pontius Pilate," but at that age, he didn't know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.



Lake Forest Park, Wash: When I was a little girl, we sang a song in Sunday school about Noah. Part of the chorus was "And the rains came down, and the floods came up." We lived next door to a couple of charming little girls who always sang this song while playing in their garden. Their words were, "And the rains came down, and the spuds came up."



Grand Junction, Colo: When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to get into trouble.



Oak Harbor, Wash: When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet until you get to your seat."

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