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    Things to do when seeing Lord Of The Rings:

    1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait! Where is Harry Potter?"2.…
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    Too Distant / Too Close

    The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To…
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    Help Wanted

    A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP…
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    Take Fore

    A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his…
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    Cheap Motel

    One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6am wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke…
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    Needled

    At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going…
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    Cereal Adjustment

    Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now…
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    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
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    Newcomer Court

    "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be…
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    Teacher Tech Help

    The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me…
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    Herd Of Cows

    A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho," and went out walking with one of…
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    Shott Versus Nott

    A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not.…
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    Life and Death

    A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:"Remember, the first five minutes…
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    Excerpts from A Dog's Diary

    Excerpts from A Dog's Diary:Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am…
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    Go Get Grandma

    When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging…

Officer Roland, near the end of his shift, noticed a woman driving a small pickup truck with a dog sitting on her lap.  Observing that this was an unsafe manner in which to be operating her vehicle, he pulled her over.

After exiting his cruiser and approaching the woman's driver side window, the lady asked, "Why officer what on earth did you pull me over for?"

Officer: "I pulled you over because it isn't safe to drive with a dog on your lap."

Lady: "Why officer, it is exactly for safety that I have the dog on my lap.
You see my truck is an older model and isn't equipped with an air bag.  But that's OK now because this is a special kind of dog just for that purpose!"

Officer: "Just what makes you think its OK to use that dog like an air bag?"

Lady: "Well the man at the pet store did tell me it was a dash-hound."

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