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    Hymns For The Aging

    *Hymns for the Aging* Precious Lord, Take my Hand (And Help Me Get Up) It is Well with My…
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    Dispatch Message

    One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence…
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    "Brake Down"

    My boss' wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable…
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    Talking Dog

    A guy is driving around Wadsworth, Ohio and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking…
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    Bicycle Accidents

    In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserma Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very…
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    Votive Candles

    Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Politically Correct Light Bulb

    "How many politically-correct people does it take to screw in a light-bulb?" "Look, I…
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    Ship Movie

    On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed…
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    Frugal - to save

    Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her…
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    How Much Are Your Dogs

    If you are not sure what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. It seems this…
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    Miracle Toddler Diet

    Miracle Toddler DietLosing weight is the number New Year's Resolution.The problem is,…
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    Paper Eater

    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the…
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    Crowded Bus

    It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed. I tried to force my…
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    Construction Noise

    During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending a music festival. Just as I stopped…

Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.

The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? Never know... she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"

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