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    Word Impatience

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
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    Sick At Church

    Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden vomit…
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    Library Lost and Found

    Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten…
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    Wallet Thanks

    A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following…
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    Turtle Ears

    Tradition here in the office is to keep a notepad with the punch lines from the various…
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    Deputy Goober

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    Tips From Cowboys

    ~ Never squat with your spurs on!~ Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.~ There's two…
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    The friars of Flowers (pun alert)

    Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to…
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    The Difference Between Men and Women

    This is a Dave Barry item. Do not use in your book.********** Let's say a guy named Fred…
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    Campaign Funding

    Can you believe a candidate dropped out of the race because of a lack of campaign funds?…
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    Theme Songs For Bible Characters

    Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise" Lazarus:…
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    Sweater Gifts

    Although we had recently moved into a new neighborhood, our young son had already made…
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    IAMS Hotline

    The IAMS Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The…
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    Hurry Home

    It has to be confessed that the minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a…
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    Football Newbie

    A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked…

Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.

The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."

The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? Never know... she might say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"

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