More Jokes

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    Bank Line

    With only two tellers working at the bank, the line I was standing in was moving very…
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    Impressive Dinner

    A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of…
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    Judge's Watch

    A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as…
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    $100.00 Please

    A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.…
  • picture of hurricane evacuation sign route

    Florida Hurricane Advice

    We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn…
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    Signs That You May Be Canadian

    1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You understand the phrase, "Could…
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    Brightness In Action

    *I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the…
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    Open Mouth, Insert Foot

    At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with…
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    Strange 911 Calls

    *Strange 911 Calls*A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share…
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    Blind Date Slap

    An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to…
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    Top Nine Stupid Questions Received by the Chap Stick Hotline

    Top Nine Stupid Questions Received by the Chap Stick Hotline9. "Hi, is this the chopstick…
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    Kid Say

    The best laughs I have known in life have been from my own children. I have captured…
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    Losing Load

    A trucker stops for red light and a goober girl catches up. She knocks on the door and…
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    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da-ad...""What?""I'm…
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    Second Opinion

    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.She…

If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving!

My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that every man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog.
--Henny Youngman

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss things;
Little minds discuss people.

When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?
--Steven Wright

A gentleman never insults someone unintentionally.
--Oscar Wilde

Noah was an amateur; the Titanic was built by professionals.
--Malcolm Allison

I live by my principles, and one of my principles is flexibility.
--Br. Everett Dirksen

Only dead fish "go with the flow."

It is not enough to have every intelligent person in the country voting for me. I need a majority.
--Adlai Stevenson

No woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
--George Coote

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams

A politician will always be there when he needs you.
--Ian Walsh

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life.
--Thomas Huxley

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
--Ambrose Bierce

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