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    Goober & Cell Phone

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first…
  • airplane trip from Indianapolis to Chicago

    Flight Time

    Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard…
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    Two Plus Two

    A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer…
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    Learn Those Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I…
  • snowman

    Learning From Snowmen

    "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " It's okay if you're a…
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    Lost Bid

    Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly…
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    Baggage Problem

    The flight attendant watched a passenger try to stuff his hopelessly overloaded bags into…
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    Top Ten Signs You Might Have a Bad Furnace Repair Guy

    10. His face permanently blackened like a cartoon bomb went off 9. Pushes his personal…
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    Lost Baggage

    I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage…
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    Paid For Standing

    The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking…
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    Longevity Answer

    The Jewish Chronicle had heard that Benny was coming up to his 110th birthday so they…
  • Pictures of a Mother's Day Frame

    Mother Quotes

    PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight…
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    White Gloves

    Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined…
  • computer-keyboard

    Laws of Computing

    *Laws of Computing* * When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to…
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    Cancelling Cards

    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to…

If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving!

My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that every man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog.
--Henny Youngman

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss things;
Little minds discuss people.

When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?
--Steven Wright

A gentleman never insults someone unintentionally.
--Oscar Wilde

Noah was an amateur; the Titanic was built by professionals.
--Malcolm Allison

I live by my principles, and one of my principles is flexibility.
--Br. Everett Dirksen

Only dead fish "go with the flow."

It is not enough to have every intelligent person in the country voting for me. I need a majority.
--Adlai Stevenson

No woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
--George Coote

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams

A politician will always be there when he needs you.
--Ian Walsh

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life.
--Thomas Huxley

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
--Ambrose Bierce

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