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    If You Love Someone

    Pessimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... if she ever comes back, she's yours, If…
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    Cheap Suit

    The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. "But the left arm is a lot longer than the…
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    Understanding Your Paycheck

    Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89…
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    Cheap Rhymes With Jeep

    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I…
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    Pig Feed

    There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the…
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    One Little Square

    A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what`s…
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    Dirty Hands in Class

    A teacher sees a student entering the classroom, his hands are very dirty.She stopped him…
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    Oversensitive Reply

    I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of…
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    Lingering Hug

    We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight…
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    Temperance River

    A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had…
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    New Pope

    A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of the Pope with his class. One…
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    All You Can Drink

    There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that…
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    Birthday Wish

    A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday."I'd like a little…
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    Utensil Rejection

    My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set…
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    Illegal Turn

    A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it…

If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving!

My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that every man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog.
--Henny Youngman

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss things;
Little minds discuss people.

When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?
--Steven Wright

A gentleman never insults someone unintentionally.
--Oscar Wilde

Noah was an amateur; the Titanic was built by professionals.
--Malcolm Allison

I live by my principles, and one of my principles is flexibility.
--Br. Everett Dirksen

Only dead fish "go with the flow."

It is not enough to have every intelligent person in the country voting for me. I need a majority.
--Adlai Stevenson

No woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
--George Coote

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams

A politician will always be there when he needs you.
--Ian Walsh

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life.
--Thomas Huxley

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
--Ambrose Bierce

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