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More Jokes

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    Future Son In Law?

    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in…
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    Cinderella Question

    The tax accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter…
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    Why Are You Here?

    A man dressed as napoleon went to see a psychiatrist at the urging of his wife. "What's…
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    29 Ways to Annoy People

    32 Ways To Annoy People 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch…
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    Leak Repair

    My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending…
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    Get Me Out

    My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest…
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    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go…
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    Real 911 Calls

    Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots…
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    From British Newspapers

    1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman…
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    No Hero of Mine

    "King David used to be a hero of mine, but not anymore," little Brodie told his mother…
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    Purse Contents

    As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the…
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    Cry On for Crayons

    The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the…
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    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
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    Reasons You Should Buy a New Car

    Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of…
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    Naturally Born

    An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being…

If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving!

My dog was my only friend. I told my wife that every man needs at least two friends, so she bought me another dog.
--Henny Youngman

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss things;
Little minds discuss people.

When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?
--Steven Wright

A gentleman never insults someone unintentionally.
--Oscar Wilde

Noah was an amateur; the Titanic was built by professionals.
--Malcolm Allison

I live by my principles, and one of my principles is flexibility.
--Br. Everett Dirksen

Only dead fish "go with the flow."

It is not enough to have every intelligent person in the country voting for me. I need a majority.
--Adlai Stevenson

No woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
--George Coote

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
--Douglas Adams

A politician will always be there when he needs you.
--Ian Walsh

There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life.
--Thomas Huxley

Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
--Ambrose Bierce

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