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More Jokes

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    Sunday Service

    A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the…
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    Planting Time

    A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some…
  • police pull over

    Speedy Comeback

    The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his…
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    The Rules of Combat

    Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the…
  • bank

    Balance

    I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other…
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    Ten Laws of Life

    1. When ones hands are covered in oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch.…
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    Rules for Writers

    1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences…
  • pharmacist

    Food Allergy

    Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was…
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    Testimony Night

    It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked…
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    Wedding Cake Verse

    A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding…
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    Ooops in the Forest

    Two hikers were walking through some foothills when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in…
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    Cadet Sign

    When my brother was a cadet at the U.S. Air Force Academy, there was an overhead walkway…
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    Vet's Guarantee

    There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working…
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    Name Problem

    It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the…
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    When I Was Your Age

    A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one…

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. --Shirley Temple

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. --Doug Lars

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. --Bob Hope

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --Tom Lehrer

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do? --Ronnie Shakes

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. --Rod Serling

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. --Sam Levenson (1911-1980)

Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done. --Ernie Kovacs

Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours. --H.L. Mencken

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. --G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine milimeter bullet. --Dave Barry

This isn't right. It isn't even wrong. --Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. --Joey Bishop

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --Franklin P. Jones

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that's REALLY BAD for you. --Tommy Smothers

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --Norm Crosby

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. --Aaron Machado

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. --Henny Youngman

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. --Jay Leno

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. --Darrin Weinberg

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --Fran Lebowitz

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. --H.L. Mencken

It ain't so much the things you don't know that get you in trouble. It's the things you know that just ain't so. --Artimus Ward, 1834-1867

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