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More Jokes

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    Car Privileges

    David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On…
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    Bungee Jumping

    Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the…
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    Thai This For a Change

    An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai…
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    Goober In Library

    A goober walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last…
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    Almost Redialed

    I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and…
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    Expecting

    "How does Jamie like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan."Oh, she's not…
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    Three Gifts

    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they…
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    Signs You Are Broke

    1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Your idea of a 7-course…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

    While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother…
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    Check Signing

    Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and…
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    Bridge Trouble

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway when a sign comes up that reads "Low…
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    Community Paper

    Glenelg, Maryland is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community…
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    Breakfast Call

    When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the…
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    AMAP

    The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I…
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    Joey Sets The Table

    A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's…

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Hi, is this the Police?

Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?

Caller: Fire, I guess.

Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?

Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on their trucks?

Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the fire department could come over and help me?

Dispatcher: Help you what?

Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

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