logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Real 911 Calls

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher: Excuse me?

Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?

Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?

Caller: Hi, is this the Police?

Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?

Caller: Fire, I guess.

Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?

Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on their trucks?

Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the fire department could come over and help me?

Dispatcher: Help you what?

Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Think You're Having A Bad Day?

    So you think you're having a bad day. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio…
  • picture of hurricane evacuation sign route

    Florida Hurricane Advice

    We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn…
  • Default Image

    Check Signing

    Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and…
  • Default Image

    Why Ask Why

    *Why Ask Why*Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and…
  • Default Image

    Piedmont Doors

    We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and…
  • Default Image

    Animal Superbowl

    During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals…
  • Default Image

    Parrot Problems

    A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a…
  • Default Image

    Resume Cover Letters

    These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune"…
  • Default Image

    Prison Sentence

    Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all…
  • Default Image

    Today I didn't Do It

    One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three…
  • keyboard computer

    Military Computer

    Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The…
  • Default Image

    Away From His Desk

    As the boss was leaving the office to play golf, he instructed his secretary to tell all…
  • picture of army boots

    New Recruit

    As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had…
  • Default Image

    Country Boys

    These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it…
  • oatmeal raw

    Cereal Adjustment

    Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now…