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More Jokes

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    Forgotten Watch

    A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for…
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    Welcome Home

    A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far…
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    Lodge Meeting

    The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.She…
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    Shoplifter Excuse

    My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was…
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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    Carrier Landings

    Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is THE most…
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    Hybrid Car

    My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the…
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    Laboratory Cells

    My mother works in a laboratory and is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So…
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    Headstones

    In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to…
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    Caught on the Job

    The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 A.M. He did his best for a while, but at…
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    Audi Alteram Parten

    During a Law course class, the 'Audi Alteram Parten' rule was explained. Translated it…
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    Proposal Condition

    Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me,…
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    Zoo Thank You

    As a volunteer who conducts educational tours of the Zoo, Sally occasionally receives…
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    Getting Ready

    A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey,…
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    Earworms

    Earworms are songs that crawl into your head and stay. 98% of us have had a song stuck in…

Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:

- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.

- Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.

- You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.

- 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days.

- When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"

- Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club".

- While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.

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