Reasons You Should Buy a New Car:
- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
- Instead of an air bag, there is a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.
- You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14 year old on a moped.
- 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days.
- When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
- Thieves repeatedly break in your car just to steal the "Club".
- While sitting at a stop light, people keep running up to you and asking if anyone was hurt.