More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Prescription Check

    An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you…
  • Default Image

    Memory Improvement

    I knew that as I was getting older, and finally able to admit it, certain things were…
  • Default Image

    VP Moniker

    The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to tell me the good…
  • Default Image

    Corporate America in the 90's

    You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if: - You've sat at the same desk for…
  • family time

    Supporting a Family

    Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective…
  • Default Image

    Shakespearean in Dallas

    A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon…
  • Default Image

    A Hi-Tech Litmus Test

    This morning, on the church newsletter were these instructions:Hold this paper close to…
  • A funny clean joke about a dog and a truck and a parking lot.

    Dog Driver

    As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind…
  • fishing1

    Fishing Trip

    "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip…
  • Default Image

    New Neighbor

    My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his…
  • Default Image

    Ten Minute Wait

    I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After several minutes of taped…
  • Default Image

    Knowing the Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers."Yes," he said. "I do.…
  • Default Image

    Backwoods Labor

    In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the…
  • Default Image

    Under Five

    A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering…
  • Default Image

    Get Me Out

    My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Powered By JFBConnect