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More Jokes

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    You Know You Are Over the Hill When

    1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music. 2. You're sitting on a park bench…
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    Dinosaur Bones

    Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur…
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    Goober Mirror

    Two goobers, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.Carol noticed a compact on the…
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    Goober Operator

    My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. When I called, the…
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    Deep Thoughts

    From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep…
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    Bear Hunting Preacher

    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some…
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    Zookeeper's Dilemma

    A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a…
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    A Diet For Dealing With Stress

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a…
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    Fine Request

    A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the…
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    Elementary Motherhood

    Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions: Why…
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    Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is A Little Slow

    Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is A Little Slow1. Text on Web pages displays…
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    Bag of Chickens

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:…
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    More Newspaper Bloopers

    Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on "Destructive Pests". A…
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    Busted

    He was a young Pastor and as usual the enemy would try to stir up trouble in the family…
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    Tap Away

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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