logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Resume Blunders

man stressedHow bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously - they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Theory Testing Contest

    *Winners of a Recent Theory Testing Contest* HONOURABLE MENTION: The quantity of…
  • prison

    Some Things You Can't Escape

    A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six…
  • guard dog

    Guard Dog

    My sister-in-law, a truck driver, decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a…
  • Default Image

    $50 Question

    A scientist and a poet were traveling in the same compartment on a train. They had never…
  • Default Image
  • woman2

    Mellowing Mom

    I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my…
  • Default Image

    And Then They Voted

    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was…
  • pedestrian pictogram

    Walking Out

    "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church…
  • Default Image

    Mr. Sugarbrown's Daughter

    A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."…
  • Default Image

    Dog Rules

    Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard To Protect NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the…
  • Default Image

    Boys In Hospital

    The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward."Are…
  • Default Image

    Spelling Bee Confusing

    If GH can stand for P as in HiccoughIf OUGH stands for O as in DoughIf PHTH stands for T…
  • Default Image

    Goober Counsellor

    A goober began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One…
  • uspenny

    Penny Problems

    After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard…
  • Default Image

    Muffled Workers

    Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good…