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  • medical desk

    Doctor's Advice

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
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    Vacation E-mails

    Major Mark Wagner is planting a church for the Salvation Army (they do good work) in the…
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    Who's the Boss?

    The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any…
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    Apology

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop:"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…
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    Golf Discovery

    A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with…
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    Fried Eggs

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly her husband burst…
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    Dangerous Criminal

    One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she…
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    Paid For Standing

    The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking…
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    English Errors

    English is such a tough language to master. There are more exceptions to the rules than…
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    Coffee Delivery

    The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the…
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    ATM Correction

    My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community…
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    Sibling Takes

    As I was dropping my son off at daycare the other day, I overheard some of the children…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
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    Knitting Chinese

    Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic…
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    Rules for Laboratory Workers

    Rules for Laboratory Workers 1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. 2.…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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