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More Jokes

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    Get Me Out

    My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest…
  • This old woman would never drink beer.

    Bottle Drive

    The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious but…
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    And Then They Voted

    While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was…
  • Tight Shoes

    Shoe Fit

    A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the…
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    Mechanic Rate

    A woman surgeon was disturbed about the high cost of her car repair. "This is…
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    Translation Please

    A French guest, staying in a American hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black…
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    Anti-Burglar Signs

    The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few…
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    The Rules of Combat

    Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the…
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    Game Question

    The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded…
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    Dusty Comeback

    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.One evening my dad returned home from work,…
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    Funeral Bells

    A minister well known for his beautiful singing voice came home visibly upset after…
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    Car Names Explained

    "Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)AUDI -…
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    Pickup Backfire

    Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally…
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    Haircut

    Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.Susie: It grew on company time.Boss: Not all…
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    Parts Search

    I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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