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    Analytical Gunfighters

    Two analytical chemists in the Wild West are on the town's main street, ready to draw…
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    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
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    Vacation Cut

    Before going on vacation, I decided on the spur of the moment to have my very long,…
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    Actual Hiker Comments

    These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and…
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    Calories That Don't Count

    Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting…
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    A Dog's Diary

    5:30am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway…
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    The Hokey Pokey

    *The Hokey Pokey*Original LyricsPut your left foot in,Your left foot out,Your left foot…
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    Parrot Strings

    A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…
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    Athletics Anonymous

    These days, with all the emphasis on one's physical fitness, a new organization has…
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    Check that Address!

    Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He…
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    Snack Costs

    My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor…
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    Someone Is Knocking

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All…
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    Gender Smarts

    Diamonds are a girl's best friend.Dogs are a man's best friend.Now you know which gender…

man stressedHow bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously - they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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