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More Jokes

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    Efficiency

    An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try…
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    Legal Contracts

    The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to…
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    Threatening Letters

    The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening…
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    Goober Y2K Date Change Project Status:

    Y-to-K Date Change Project Status: Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time…
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    Boat Rental

    A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost…
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    Fine Request

    A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. "Mr. Brewster," the…
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    D.C. Flyover

    On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father…
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    Labor Pains

    When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three…
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    Cow Philosophies

    Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms. Socialism: you have two…
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    Goober Baby News

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Radio Transmission

    This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and…
  • Poorly worded ad causes trouble.

    Sewing Machine Ad

    The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last…
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    Flying Blind

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Picnic Passions

    A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old…
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    Training Courses Now Available for Men

    1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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