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More Jokes

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    Air Boss

    Activated from the Army Reserves for a joint service Arctic exercise, I was assigned to…
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    Elf Pet Peeves

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    Break Even

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    Basic Training

    After about three weeks in basic training, my husband's unit was not measuring up to…
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    How To Interpret Employment Ads

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    Collectable Receipts

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    Baseball Doctor

    As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment…
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    Moth Madness

    A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a…
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    Dictionary of Project Terms

    *Dictionary of Project Terms* Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen…
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    Haircut ID

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    Second Opinion

    A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very worried and all strung out. She rattled…
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    Gym Oops

    New to the United States, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a…
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    Security Tips

    The following are notices that homeowners can place in a few strategic locations to keep…
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    There's Teacher

    The children had all been photographed for school pictures, and the teacher was trying to…
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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

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