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More Jokes

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    Dog License

    During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to…
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    Out of Gas Advice

    After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it…
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    Natural Antibiotic

    While serving as associate pastor in a church in the California gold country, I had an…
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    Quarter Back

    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse:…
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    Lodge Meeting

    The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.She…
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    The Turkey Shot Out Of The Oven

    The turkey shot out of the ovenand rocketed into the air,it knocked every plate off the…
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    Wrong Chanel

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
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    Offended Goober

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Pet Training

    A rolled up newspaper can be an effective pet training tool when used properly.For…
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    Basic Training

    For some recruits, there is nothing basic about basic training. It was clear that one…
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    Negotiated Rules of Golf Between AARP and USGA

    The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the following rules of golf for…
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    One Room School

    The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room…
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    Meteor Miss

    As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was…
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    Help Line

    It's clear why these people needed to call a "help" line.------Customer: "I've been…
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    Singing Practice

    Joe's wife likes to sing. She decided to join the church choir. From time to time she…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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