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More Jokes

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    Hospital Forms

    In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others…
  • picture of a thanksgiving turkey

    Turkey Size

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one…
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    Macho Dude

    A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of…
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    Strawberry Fertilizer

    A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in…
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    Good Old Dave

    Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into…
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    Chute Error

    While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I…
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    Sunday Compliment

    The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it…
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    Think of a Number

    Think of a number.Multiply it by 3.Now add 5.Take away the number you first thought…
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    Turkey Poem

    I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,I ate too much pudding and pie.I'm stuffed up…
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    More Strange Warnings

    Here are some more strange warnings on items.On a packet of juggling balls:"This product…
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    Office Visit

    A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu, flippers…
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    New Friend Sincerity

    Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to…
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    Company Role Models

    My company had a successful year, and at the annual meeting, employees eagerly awaited…
  • car theft

    Car Alarms

    I was with a friend in a cafe' when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What…
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    City Preacher

    Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn.…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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