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    Passed Note

    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    Show and Tell

    I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best…
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    You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When

    You know it's time to turn your computer off and read a book when ....... 1. A friend…
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    Jar Number 47

    A new miracle doctor had just arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and…
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    Always Corrected

    Frustrated at always being corrected by my hubby, I decided the next time it happened I…
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    Waiting for Dark

    Preparing for a family vacation, Kathy and Matt explained to their young children that…
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    Ooops in the Forest

    Two hikers were walking through some foothills when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in…
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    Hard to Pronounce

    As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I…
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    Cat Prayer

    Cat PrayerNow I lay me down to sleep,I pray this cushy life to keep.I pray for toys that…
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    Muddy General

    During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered…
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    Landing in the Fog

    An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically…
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    Dog Stop

    Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a…
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    Two Teas

    1st customer: . . . I'll have tea.2nd customer: . . . Me, too. And be sure the glass is…
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    Battery Life

    An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for…
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    Signs the Childhood is Over

    Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore. Driving a car doesn't…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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