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More Jokes

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    Photo Apology

    Photographer Ruth Van Bergen specialized in celebrity portraits. One wealthy woman…
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    Australian Military Helicopter Simulation

    This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related…
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    Rest Home Trial

    Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on…
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    Strange Lawsuits

    An inmate filed a $5 million lawsuit against himself (he claimed that he violated his own…
  • new years_eve_white_hat

    Newlywed Compromise

    For our first New Year's together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of…
  • kangaroo2

    How High Can You Go?

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty…
  • F 15 fighter jet

    Recruiting Crisis

    The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a…
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    Personalized Plate

    While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my personalized license…
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    Signs Your SUV Is Too Big

    Signs Your SUV Is Too Big~ The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the…
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    Bedtime Attire

    Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined…
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    Too Late To Date

    After the death of a never married 94-year old spinster of his parish, the rector was…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
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    Intercom Repair

    My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night…
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    Young Guy's "BG"

    At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and…
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    Cinderella Question

    The tax accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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