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More Jokes

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    Ten Commandments

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and…
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    Sloth Police Report

    A sloth is out for a walk when he's mugged by four snails. After recovering his wits, he…
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    When I Was Your Age

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    Dress Code for Seniors

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    Puppy Mark

    An effusive client brought a litter of puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations…
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    Homework Surprise

    My daughter's third-grade teacher had assigned the children to write a story titled "My…
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    Top Tips For Cheapskates

    Top Tips For Cheapskates~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.…
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    Top Ten things Men Understand about Women

    1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10. Just smile and pass it on!
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    Cars Wars

    A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a…
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    Dads and Babies

    My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom,"…
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    Dentist Bill

    A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained.…
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    Career Cooling

    Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My…
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    City Preacher

    Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn.…
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    Dog Exercises

    You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of…
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    DIY Complications

    The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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