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More Jokes

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    The Foot Rule

    There is a formula for figuring out how bed space is allocated. It is called the "Foot…
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    Letter From Home

    I had an extended tour of duty in Okinawa in 1958 and was unable to bring my wife and…
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

    1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down…
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    IRS Audit

    A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to…
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    Robber Visit

    A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    Priceless Grandparent Stories - Part 1

    1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a…
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    Photo Apology

    Photographer Ruth Van Bergen specialized in celebrity portraits. One wealthy woman…
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    Pig Feed

    There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the…
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    Measuring Up

    The following question appeared in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:…
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    Paper View

    I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my…
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    Mint Mom

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    Cruising

    These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.1. (For this one, you have…
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    Basement Pitch

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    More Bad Headlines

    ~ March Planned For Next August ~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See ~ Lingerie Shipment…

These are real examples from real resumes:

*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*Job Responsibilities*

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

*Special Requests and Job Objectives*

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

*Physical Disabilities*

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

*Personal Interests*

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

*Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning*

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

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