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    Rest Stop

    I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a…
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    Vacuum Persuasion

    My sister has the courage--but not always the skills--to tackle any home-repair…
  • eye examiner

    Eye Test Chart

    When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The…
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    Travelling Too Light

    A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in…
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    Burglary

    The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.…
  • workshop

    Modern Tool Reality

    Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern…
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    Work Phrases Explained

    *Work Phrases Explained*Activate:To make carbons and add more names to the memo.Advanced…
  • A funny joke about a man who takes up tennis later in life.

    Tennis Talk

    A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise so he decided to play…
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    Lost Pigs

    Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered…
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    Party Favor

    After classical violinist Fritz Kreisler was invited to a society party, the hostess…
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    Kid Comments

    * A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth ?"One lil' girl spoke up:…
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    Evil Brothers

    There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from…
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    Y1K

    Canterbury, England. AD 999. An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout…
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    Patio Problem

    My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement…
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    Mommy Test

    I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the…

Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this I am now using a new set of rules for editing.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clich├ęs.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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