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    Glass Honesty

    As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses."I really only need…
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    One and Only

    "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to…
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    Ploughing at Night

    A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends.…
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    Bump Start

    About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the…
  • picture of a football

    Football Tryouts

    A football coach was asked how he picked a team from a bunch of raw recruits. "I hate to…
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    Three Legged Chicken

    A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken. He was…
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    Shakey's Cure

    Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into…
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    Fair Tax

    At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the…
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    Wig Eye Witness

    While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman…
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    Second Grade Math

    I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about…
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    Roof Chicken

    One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto…
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    Bulletin Humor

    I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than the ones that these occurred in.…
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    Musings

    * A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.My desk is my…
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    Giuseppe Spomdalucci

    To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After…
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    Bigger Piece

    One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took…

Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this I am now using a new set of rules for editing.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clich├ęs.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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