logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Rules for Editing

Some of you have noticed a few typos in the CleanLaugh list now and then. To improve this I am now using a new set of rules for editing.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clich├ęs.

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be ignored.

20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

29. Who needs rhetorical questions?

30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

And the last one...

31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Blood Flow

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter…
  • do not_disturb

    Do Not Disturb

    After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a…
  • Default Image

    Waking Up Grumpy

    A marriage counsellor was attempting to find out something about his patient's attitude…
  • Default Image

    Surgical Tools

    To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient at his home, who was…
  • Default Image

    Signs You Are Broke

    1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Your idea of a 7-course…
  • Default Image

    Comedians' Convention

    Someone brought a visitor and the new fellow sat fascinated as the funnymen shouted out…
  • Default Image

    Take Out For Lunch

    Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to…
  • Default Image

    Beauty Watch

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.…
  • Default Image

    Army Drab

    My husband wore his Army uniform with pride. One day, coming home from the base and…
  • Default Image

    Laws of Household Physics

    Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as all other laws of…
  • Default Image

    Boat 99

    At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his…
  • school

    Meeting With Teacher

    Miss Smith and Little Johnny's father were having a parent teacher conference. Miss Smith…
  • eye examiner

    Eye Test Chart

    When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The…
  • child six

    First Day

    Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had…
  • Default Image

    The Verge

    A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' Mother's name?"One child…