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More Jokes

  • airport security

    Packing

    I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in…
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    ID Card

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a…
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    Called In Sick

    Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union…
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    Waterology

    I'm sure you've heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is…
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    Landing Request

    There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his…
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    Two Teas

    1st customer: . . . I'll have tea.2nd customer: . . . Me, too. And be sure the glass is…
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    Pink Humvees

    Our division had to repaint our Humvees to a sand color for Desert Storm. The result was…
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    Tub Baptism

    A friend of mine took her four-year-old daughter to a baptismal service at her church.…
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    Young Dressing

    When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and…
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    Horse Batter

    On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add…
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    Goober Doubling

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Fight Lights

    I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that…
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    Grasping Challenge

    When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept…
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    Dishonesty Doesn't Pay

    One year, at Western, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did…
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    Suitor Approval

    A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date,…

Thoughts on Growing Old

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.  I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

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