Thoughts on Growing Old
~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.
~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.