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More Jokes

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    Real Answers

    These, are real answers given by children.Q: Name the four seasons.A: Salt, pepper,…
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    Ignored Phone

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    In the Dorm

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    Instrument Test

    I'm a middle school band teacher, and I match students to instruments by testing them on…
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    Dental Mommy

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    Amateur Photographer

    An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends, and he took along a few…
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    New Friend Sincerity

    Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to…
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    Strange Allergy

    Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the paediatrician. I was…
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    Shakespearean in Dallas

    A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon…
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    Sermon Follow-Up

    A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To…
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    Parenthood

    If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!…
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    Australian Football

    I'd heard that Australian football is a lot rougher than the American version, but never…
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    No Frills Airlines

    ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the…
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    Speedy Comeback

    The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his…
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    Isn't That Nice?

    Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing…

Thoughts on Growing Old

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.  I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

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