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More Jokes

  • puddle road

    Deep Trouble

    A man driving his car down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle…
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    New Discovery

    The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.An exciting new discovery is about to take…
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    Computer Repair

    An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her…
  • couple elderly

    I'm Dead

    A husband and wife, both getting on in years, are in bed one morning. He takes her hand,…
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    Government Car

    As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital for treatment…
  • leftovers

    Family Pressure

    Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers: "It gets rough,"…
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    Offended Goober

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Safe Keeping

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    Dynamite Bumps

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Happy Birthday Elsie

    I play pinochle regularly with seven other women, most of whom are 70 or older. Recently…
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    Enjoyment of Food

    Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French…
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    Modern Day Proverbs

    ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES…
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    Thoughts On Genealogy

    *Thoughts On Genealogy*~ Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.~ I trace my…
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    Teaching Math

    Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging…
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    The Toddler Diet

    Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that…

Thoughts on Growing Old

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.  I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

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