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More Jokes

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    Who Gets the Dog?

    A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys,…
  • A joke about two hunters lost in the forest.

    Lost Goober Hunters

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. My uncle Joe and…
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    Art That Sells

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings…
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    Newlywed Repairs

    A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel…
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    Cadet Sign

    When my brother was a cadet at the U.S. Air Force Academy, there was an overhead walkway…
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    Fridge Magnet Smiles

    You have all seen those little hand painted signs hung in so many kitchens. Many are…
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    Lesser Known Laws

    Okay, you've heard of Murphy's famous Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.…
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    Encyclopaedia Set for Sale

    FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.Excellent Condition.$1200 or…
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    Makeup Routine

    Every morning, a little girl would go in the bathroom to watch Mommy as she was putting…
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    What The Teacher Says and What She Really Means

    1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his…
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    Look Like Mom

    A two-and-a-half-year-old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on…
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    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller"…
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    Late For Sunday School

    A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt…
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    Vat A Country!

    Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He…
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    Pilot Humor

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems…

Thoughts on Growing Old

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.  I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

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