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    Mrs. Pierpoint

    A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the apartment next door.…
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    Happy Birthday Call

    A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then…
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    Name Problem

    It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the…
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    What The Teacher Says and What She Really Means

    1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his…
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    Death Statistic

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
  • man desk

    Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment

    - I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are going to try! - We told everyone you…
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    Goober Quotes

    I got some bad news today. You know the money you get from those ATM machines? It comes…
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    Natural Antibiotic

    While serving as associate pastor in a church in the California gold country, I had an…
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    Fishing Wife

    "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just…
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    Mom, Send Money

    A kid called up his mum from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out…
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    Camping Privacy

    Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their…
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    Card Name

    A customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit…
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    Sauce Control Center

    Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she…
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    Vow Changes

    Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in…
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    SPCA Rescue

    "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?""Yes.""I…

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.

~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

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