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  • cards

    Card Dog

    A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog…
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    Aerobic Dismay

    Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I…
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    Pessimistic Friend

    An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found…
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    Mule Solution

    A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left…
  • plane-passenger-window

    Computerized Airline

    The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without…
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    A Simple Explanation of Baseball

    This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends…
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    Mental Test

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and his host naturally…
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    Horse Talk

    "Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the farmer. "You work hard and I…
  • computer keyboard

    I.T. Department Computer Problem Self-Report Form

    *I.T. Department Computer Problem Self-Report Form* 1. Describe your problem:…
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    Sign Fun

    *Sign Fun*On a California freeway: Fine for LitteringIn the window of an Atlanta clothing…
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    Library Argument

    On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with…
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    Pig Rescuer

    Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig…
  • bride and groom

    Number Married

    I just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't…
  • catmelonhead150x127

    Cat T-Shirts

    If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say. "Purrfection cannot be improved" "If…
  • crowd

    Poor Dad

    A father worked as an accountant for the Air National Guard. Despite a regular adequate…

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.

~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

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