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    Military Wisdom

    *Military Wisdom*"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you…
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    Headlines from 2050

    *Headlines from 2050* Florida to Be Re-admitted to Union Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten…
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    The Next One

    After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband…
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    One Carton and Six Eggs

    This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: A wife asks her husband, "Could…
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    Valentine's Day

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl…
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    Fathering

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are…
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    Do It Yourself

    When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a…
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    Never Too Old

    Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one…
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    Home Donations

    A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the…
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    Mr. Sugarbrown's Daughter

    A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."…
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    Untouched for 600 Years

    A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This…
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    Work P-p-p-p-p-roblem

    A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and…
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    One Room School

    The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
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    Newlywed Repairs

    A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel…

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.

~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

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