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More Jokes

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    Car Warning

    A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his…
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    Lost in the Woods

    Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, "Don't worry. All we have to do…
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    Learn Those Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers. "Yes," he said. "I…
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    Elf Pet Peeves

    *Elf Pet Peeves*7. Toil for 364 days a year just to make children smile and no one gives…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    Are You The Defendant?

    The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?""No sir,…
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    Need Help?

    I saw a billboard yesterday that said: Need help? Call Jesus.1-800-555-HELP Out of…
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    Private Peters

    The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training…
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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    Compliments to the Chef

    I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I worked particularly…
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    Color Blind

    Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted…
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    Silent Drums

    An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him…
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    Answering Machine Messages

    *Answering Machine Messages*Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already…
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    Coffee For Grandma

    A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee.…
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    Oversensitive Reply

    I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of…

*Self-Evident Truths About Pets*

* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

* Dogs shed, cats shred.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

* Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

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