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    Deck Praise

    I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my…
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    Goober Widow

    A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer.…
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    Parking Lot Speed Limit

    Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly…
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    Passing Notes

    An elderly couple are attending a church service. About halfway through, she writes a…
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    Golf Beginner

    A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.Thinking he'd try the game, he…
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    Logic Amongst the Sciences

    A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people…
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    Tried and Trusted

    A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to…
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    Military Inspection

    The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to…
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    Fight Lights

    I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that…
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    Miracle Return

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.…
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    Rest In Peace

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    Vice President of Peas

    Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and…
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    Bus Fare

    Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train…
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    Saved by the Tomato

    A story is told of an unemployed man who is desperate to support his family. His wife…
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    Famous Last Words

    *Famous Last Words* *Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... *Don't unplug it,…

*Self-Evident Truths About Pets*

* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

* Dogs shed, cats shred.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

* Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

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