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More Jokes

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    Astute Visionaries?

    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."--Popular Mechanics,…
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    Labor Pains

    When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three…
  • A list of 17 points to ponder about life.

    Stuff to Ponder

    1. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you…
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    Homework Help

    "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my…
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    Build It and They Will Come

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    Doctor Quotes

    The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by…
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    Impressions

    A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the…
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    Dun in Texas

    A cowboy (named Julius?) rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.…
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    IRS Audit

    A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to…
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    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
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    Things You Will Never Hear

    Things you'll never hear a man say: 1) Here honey, you use the remote. 2) Ooh, Antonio…
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    Country Tunes

    My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style…
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    Dishonesty Doesn't Pay

    One year, at Western, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did…
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    Top Ten Things You NEVER Want to Hear the Orkin Man Say

    10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!" 9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!!…

Shakey went to a psychiatrist.  "Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble.  Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it.  I get under the bed, I think there`s somebody on top of it.  Top, under, top, under.  .  .  you gotta help me, I`m going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink.  "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I`ll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.  "Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit?  A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so!  How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

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