Side Effects of a Life in Comedy
* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.
* Your social status is one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.
* People are always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"
* Wisenheimer's Syndrome.
* You laugh on the outside, but inside you harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.
* Instead of crow's feet, you get punchlines.
* You have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."
* The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.
* Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.
* Everything tastes funny.