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    Homilies To Live By

    Homilies To Live ByGive a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to…
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    Dad's Pay Check

    Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My…
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    The Cautious Pilot

    Taxiing down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the…
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    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
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    The Woodcutter

    This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a…
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    White Gloves

    Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined…
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    Daddy's Trick

    The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,"I'm so happy to see you…
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    Boat Rental

    A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost…
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    Lost Gas Cap

    David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven…
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    Stolen Goat

    The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the…
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    Quotes From 11 Year-Olds' Science Exams

    The following are all quotes from 11 year-olds' science exams:"Water is composed of two…
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    Starting To Date

    Alan asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours, Steve. What are you…
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    Teapot Computer

    The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a…
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    Caught on the Job

    The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 A.M. He did his best for a while, but at…
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    Parrot Auction

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this…

Signs of our TimeIn a veterinarian's office:
"All unattended children given free kitten"

In the parking lot outside a veterinarian's office in Silverton, OR:
"Parking for customers only; others will be neutered."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

In a non-smoking area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On maternity room door:
"Push, Push, Push."

On the fence of someone's home:
"Salesmen welcome - dog food is expensive."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully; we'll wait."

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