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    How to Make Life Simpler

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and…
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    Modern Day Proverbs

    ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES…
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    Take Fore

    A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his…
  • checkbook

    Checking Newbie

    Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new…
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    Actual Call Center Conversations

    Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries.…
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    Jean Squeeze

    A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a…
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    GOLF, n.

    [1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad…
  • bible open

    Misquote

    A friend of mine attended a Christian college where the tradition was to deliver a box of…
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    Friendship Poems

    Are you tired of those Sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never…
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    School Excuse

    At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and…
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    Swallowed a Coin

    The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and his mother ran out in…
  • shopping3

    Divider Return

    I was checking out at the local Albertsons with just a few items and the lady behind me…
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    Typo Apology

    "We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme…
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    No Stairs

    An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the…
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    Census Taker

    An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in…

- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.

- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.

- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

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