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Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of It's Warranty

- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.

- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.

- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

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