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    Control and Escape

    The computer company my wife works for distributed a corporate clothing catalogue that…
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    Top Ten Signs You Might Have a Bad Furnace Repair Guy

    10. His face permanently blackened like a cartoon bomb went off 9. Pushes his personal…
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    Mint Mom

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    Your Turn

    A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried…
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    New Medical Technology

    A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several…
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    Death Statistic

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
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    Gripe Comments

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines)…
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    Golf Cheater

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
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    Wooden Bayonet

    A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could…
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    Goobers In Ditch

    Two Goobers were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we…
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    Quick Proposal

    At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he…
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    Great Eyesight

    An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defence lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see…
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    How to Make Life Simpler

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and…
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    Cat's Guide For Human Care

    More Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human. Cats are beautiful,…
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    Corporate America in the 90's

    You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if: - You've sat at the same desk for…

- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.

- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.

- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.

- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.

- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.

- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.

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