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    Diamond Assumption

    An acquaintance of mine, whose daughter was about to be married, decided to give her a…
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    Geneology Question

    When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher…
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    Flu Notes

    (Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well-meaning husband who has…
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    Baby Prescription

    A woman brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had…
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    Vacation Location

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw…
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    Missed Call

    My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One…
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    Checking Newbie

    Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new…
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    Lost

    Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along…
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    Turkey Shopping

    It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few…
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    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #1

    Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.As a computer, I find your faith in technology…
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    Walking on Water

    Bob, the goober, heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all…
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    Special Delivery

    It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss…
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    Free Will

    A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.…
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    Take Fore

    A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his…
1.  You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2.  You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
3.  You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
4.  You drink pop, not soda.
5.  This doesn't bother you at all.
6.  You know what it means to be on pogey.
7.  You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
8.  You don't care about the fuss with Cuba.
9.  You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
10.  Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
11.  You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
12.  You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
13.  You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
14.  Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
15.  You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
16.  You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
17.  You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
18.  You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
19.  You are excited whenever an American television station mentions Canada.
20.  You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink..."
21.  You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
22.  You know what a toque is.
23.  You admit Rich Little is Canadian.
24.  You know Toronto is not a province.
25.  You never miss "Coach's Corner".
26.  You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"
27.  You know who Ernie Coombs was.
28.  You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast!"
29.  You get into arguments over how the letter "z" is pronounced.
30.  You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt).
The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty with fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
31.  You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
32.  Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
33.  You have been on Speaker's Corner.
34.  You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
35.  You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why she reads news on CBC.
36.  You wonder idly if there is some government cover up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California.
37.  You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
38.  You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
39.  You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
40.  The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
41.  You know 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
42.  You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
43.  You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
44.  You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Canadian friends.
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