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    Blizzard Police

    While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a policeman,…
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    Unwritten Warning Labels

    *Unwritten Warning Labels*On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive…
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    English Errors

    English is such a tough language to master. There are more exceptions to the rules than…
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    Goober Job Interview

    An goober goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.…
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    Chow

    "Chow looks wonderful," I told the mess sergeant, a large, intimidating man. "I'd love…
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    Open Microphone

    While my son was on the Navy carrier USS George Washington, the air wing was busy with…
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    Judge's Watch

    A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as…
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    In the Fitting Room

    My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched…
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    Word of Mouth

    A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained.…
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    Black Canyon Biker

    A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got…
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    Doll Play

    Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR…
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    "Not" Working

    Dear Secretary of Agriculture, My friends, Darryl and Janice, over at Jonestown,…
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    Plane Pontoons

    Tiring of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country cottage, a man equipped…
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    B.O.O.K.

    Introducing the Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge software: B.O.O.K. BOOK is a revolutionary…
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    Ski Wax

    As a ski instructor, I sometimes tease my little pupils. Once I told seven year old Luke…
1.  You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2.  You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
3.  You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
4.  You drink pop, not soda.
5.  This doesn't bother you at all.
6.  You know what it means to be on pogey.
7.  You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
8.  You don't care about the fuss with Cuba.
9.  You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
10.  Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
11.  You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
12.  You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
13.  You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
14.  Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
15.  You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
16.  You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
17.  You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
18.  You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
19.  You are excited whenever an American television station mentions Canada.
20.  You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink..."
21.  You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
22.  You know what a toque is.
23.  You admit Rich Little is Canadian.
24.  You know Toronto is not a province.
25.  You never miss "Coach's Corner".
26.  You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"
27.  You know who Ernie Coombs was.
28.  You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast!"
29.  You get into arguments over how the letter "z" is pronounced.
30.  You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt).
The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty with fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
31.  You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
32.  Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
33.  You have been on Speaker's Corner.
34.  You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
35.  You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why she reads news on CBC.
36.  You wonder idly if there is some government cover up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California.
37.  You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
38.  You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
39.  You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
40.  The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
41.  You know 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
42.  You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
43.  You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
44.  You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Canadian friends.
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