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More Jokes

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    Miscellaneous Ponderings

    A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.On my desk, I…
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    Top 10 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans

    1. Blaming your gas on me.... Not Funny 2. Yelling at me for barking. I am a dog you…
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    Thesaurus Collision

    Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New…
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    Laws of Computing

    *Laws of Computing* * When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to…
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    Goober Nails

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Ready, Set, Go

    Two campers, Chris and Michael, are awakened by the sounds of an obviously large bear…
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    With Friends Like That...

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one…
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    One Per Point

    One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests…
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    Why Some Countries CAN'T Go Metric

    If the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the…
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    Tips rejected by Martha Stewart

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and…
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    Photo Radar

    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed…
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    Quick Thinking Dog

    A wealthy man decides to take a hunting safari in Africa, and takes his faithful dog with…
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    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
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    In Charge

    One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting.…
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    Lost In Jail

    I was reviewing my client's case with him in prison when it was announced that visitors…
1.  You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2.  You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
3.  You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
4.  You drink pop, not soda.
5.  This doesn't bother you at all.
6.  You know what it means to be on pogey.
7.  You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
8.  You don't care about the fuss with Cuba.
9.  You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
10.  Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
11.  You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
12.  You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
13.  You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
14.  Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
15.  You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
16.  You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
17.  You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
18.  You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
19.  You are excited whenever an American television station mentions Canada.
20.  You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink..."
21.  You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
22.  You know what a toque is.
23.  You admit Rich Little is Canadian.
24.  You know Toronto is not a province.
25.  You never miss "Coach's Corner".
26.  You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"
27.  You know who Ernie Coombs was.
28.  You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast!"
29.  You get into arguments over how the letter "z" is pronounced.
30.  You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt).
The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty with fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
31.  You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
32.  Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
33.  You have been on Speaker's Corner.
34.  You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
35.  You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why she reads news on CBC.
36.  You wonder idly if there is some government cover up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California.
37.  You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
38.  You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
39.  You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
40.  The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
41.  You know 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
42.  You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
43.  You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
44.  You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Canadian friends.
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