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More Jokes

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    Never Be Late

    A local priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    What Don't You Have?

    An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have…
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    Deck Praise

    I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my…
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    Fishing Advice

    Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another…
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    You Know You've Been Out of College Too Long When:

    You Know You've Been Out of College Too Long When:* Your potted plants stay alive.* 6:00…
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    Rewiring

    Because our former small-town parish was not a wealthy one, our pastor was dependent on…
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    Cereal Adjustment

    Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now…
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    Cat Sale

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Silent Drums

    An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him…
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    Newcomer Court

    "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be…
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    More Insurance Claims

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled…
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    Analogies and Metaphors

    These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.- John and Mary had…
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    Government Pipe Specifications

    1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around…
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    Tag Fad

    My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his…

You are probably an elementary school teacher if:

~ You ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home.

~ You move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the table.

~ You ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends.

~ You hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes.

~ You declare "no cuts" when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in a checkout line.

~ You ask "Are you sure you did your best?" to the mechanic who fails to repair your car to your satisfaction.

~ You sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a number in the phone book.

~ You say everything twice. I mean, you repeat everything.

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