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  • deer

    Hunting Prayer

    The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.…
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    Jury Duty

    Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?Juror: I don't…
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    Old Dodge

    A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when suddenly it broke down. He was…
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    Crossing the Road

    There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming…
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    Typo Apology

    "We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme…
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    Whisper Shock

    When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my…
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    Shopping Wife Find

    A couple went Christmas shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and…
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    The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness

    *The Ten Most Common Forms of Office Illness* 1. The Macy's One Day Sale Flu. 2. The…
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    The Perfect Worker

    From a reference letter . . . 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found2…
  • plane passenger window

    On Time

    The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger…
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    Collectable Receipts

    An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always…
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    Quarter Back

    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse:…
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    Chopsticks

    A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with…
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    Rose Plague

    An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to…

SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

2. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"

3. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

4. You drink pop, not soda.

5. This doesn't bother you at all.

6. You know what it means to be on pogey.

7. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

8. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba.

9. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

10. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

11. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

12. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

13. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

14. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

15. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".

16. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"

17. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

18. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

19. You are excited whenever an American television station mentions Canada.

20. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink..."

21. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

22. You know what a toque is.

23. You admit Rich Little is Canadian.

24. You know Toronto is not a province.

25. You never miss "Coach's Corner".

26. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"

27. You know who Ernie Coombs is.

28. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast!"

29. You get into arguments over how the letter "z" is pronounced.

30. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt).

The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty with fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.

31. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.

32. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.

33. You have been on Speaker's Corner.

34. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

35. You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why she reads news on CBC.

36. You wonder idly if there is some government cover up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California.

37. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.

38. You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.

39. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.

40. The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

41. You know 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

42. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

43. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"

44. You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Canadian friends.

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