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More Jokes

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    Burger Change

    I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger…
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    Makeup Routine

    Every morning, a little girl would go in the bathroom to watch Mommy as she was putting…
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    Signs The Car You Bought Is A Lemon

    1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and…
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    More, More Church Bulletin Bloopers

    The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse."Correction: The following typo…
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    Graceless at Grandma's

    Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.…
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    Haiku Error Messages

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  • vaccum cleaner_hose

    Vacuum Manure

    A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a…
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    Lost In Jail

    I was reviewing my client's case with him in prison when it was announced that visitors…
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    Roman Numerals

    One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report…
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    Parts is Parts

    A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the…
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    Amazing Golf Ball

    A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a salesman runs up to him,…
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    How Hot Is It?

    How hot is it? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The…
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    PTA Speakers

    As a traffic safety consultant, I often gave talks to organizations on accident…
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    Kids In Church

    Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.…
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    Amish Bumper Sticker

    While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage with the following…

SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

2. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"

3. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

4. You drink pop, not soda.

5. This doesn't bother you at all.

6. You know what it means to be on pogey.

7. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

8. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba.

9. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

10. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

11. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

12. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

13. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

14. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

15. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".

16. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"

17. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

18. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

19. You are excited whenever an American television station mentions Canada.

20. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink..."

21. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

22. You know what a toque is.

23. You admit Rich Little is Canadian.

24. You know Toronto is not a province.

25. You never miss "Coach's Corner".

26. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"

27. You know who Ernie Coombs is.

28. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast!"

29. You get into arguments over how the letter "z" is pronounced.

30. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your butt).

The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger patty with fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.

31. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.

32. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.

33. You have been on Speaker's Corner.

34. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

35. You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why she reads news on CBC.

36. You wonder idly if there is some government cover up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California.

37. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.

38. You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.

39. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.

40. The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

41. You know 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

42. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

43. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"

44. You actually get these jokes and forward them to your Canadian friends.

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