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    A Texas Blessing

    *A Texas Blessing*Bless this house, oh Lord, we cryPlease keep it cool in mid-July. Bless…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…
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    Workplace Insanity

    How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace…
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    Goodbye From George

    George had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out his Last Will and…
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    Feeding the Baby

    My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice.…
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    The Pledge

    Grandpa Cartnell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how…
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    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
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    Toilet Repair

    Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire…
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    Employment Search

    My employment search preoccupied our family for months. One day my husband told our three…
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    Alllleee-oop!

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
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    Police Report

    A motorist collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the police report were: Q -…
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    18 Things That Never Happened On Star Trek

    *18 Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious…
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    Because I Am A Guy

    Because I am A Guy... ..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I…
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    Garage Wow

    There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his…
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    The War of the Navels

    The War of the Navels People have navels of different kinds,Ineys and outeys, to that…

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

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