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More Jokes

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    Resurrection Update

    A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was…
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    Not Likely

    In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the…
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    Eulogy

    The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
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    Grandmother on the Stand

    A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a…
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    Young Dressing

    When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and…
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    Drum Problem

    There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He…
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    What It Means

    Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census…
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    Charity Answer

    Father O'Shea, the parish priest in the village, was giving a sermon about charity. He…
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    The Politician Dance

    There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you…
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    Happy Birthday Line

    Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan,…
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    Learned From a Snowman

    "All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... " --It's okay if you're a…
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    Astronomers Declare February No Longer a Month

    Emboldened by their success in declaring Pluto not a planet, the International…
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    Raise Plea

    The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise…

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

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