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    Excerpts from Pet Diaries

    From the Dog.Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A…
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    Sugar Worry

    A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and…
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    Prayers as Heard By Children

    Prayers as Heard By ChildrenFrom San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this prayer…
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    Vicar's Surprise

    A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month…
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    Three Rules

    One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to…
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    You Might be a Pastor If...

    ~ You've waded in a creek wearing a necktie.~ You've ever dreamed you were preaching only…
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    An Honest Golfer

    About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a…
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    Epitaph Adjustment

    A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she…
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    Medical Fraud

    The police recently busted a man selling 'secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal…
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    Golfer's Tale

    A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran's turn. "Well," he…
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    Engine Failure

    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced,…
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    Sermon Comment

    After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying…
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    Faithful Service Gift

    I recall a story my father used to tell about a pastor who had been at a church for 20…
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    Brick Order

    A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks."May I ask what…

1.  Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.

2.  Bandage left thumb.

3.  Chop other fragments into smaller fragments

4.  Bandage left foot.

5.  Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand)

6.  Light Match

7.  Light Match

8.  Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.

9.  Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.

10.  Apply burn ointment to nose.

11.  When fire is burning, collect more wood.

12.  Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene."

13.  Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.

14.  Relabel can to read "gasoline."

15.  When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.

16.  When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

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