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  • baseball1

    Do You Understand?

    At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…
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    Pet Names

    Bernie was invited to his ageing friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded…
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    What's Good Tonight

    Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to…
  • picture of pierced ears

    Pierced Ears

    The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly…
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    Radio Transmission

    This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and…
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    One-Liners

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Nothing in the known universe…
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    The English Language

    Lets face itEnglish is a stupid language.There is no egg in the eggplantNo ham in the…
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    Rare Bible

    A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away…
  • ice cream3

    Extra Fudge

    I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot…
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    Quiz Query

    My daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying astronomy.One morning at breakfast she…
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    Knee Tattoo

    A hospital corpsman and I were getting an elderly retired master chief petty officer out…
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    Division of Labor

    The Rosenthals had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage, and Mr. Rosenthal was…
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    Bag of Chickens

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:…
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    Let Us Know

    The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:"Here's a good test…
  • oil

    Oil Spill

    After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of…

Miss the experience of skiing? Try the following to get that feeling back.

10. Visit your local butcher and pay $10 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.

8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.

5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in bad weather and you're following an 18 wheeler.

3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!

2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday.

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