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More Jokes

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    Dependents

    A man submitting information to his income tax preparer was asked how many dependents he…
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    Planting Time

    A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some…
  • When luggage goes missing.

    Home For The Holidays

    A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she…
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    Raffle Toy

    Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have…
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    Password Problems

    A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her…
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    Breaker, Breaker Dog Buddy

    My son Ward owns a shiny green four-wheel-drive truck. He also owns a 110-pound black…
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    Taxing Sleeps

    A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets)…
  • woman old3

    Not Going to Church

    One Sunday morning, a mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells him it's time to…
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    Summer Camp

    A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer…
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    1-800-45TEACH

    A high school senior, saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a…
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    Hair Mission

    In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a…
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    Check Up

    A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items.…
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    A Diet For Dealing With Stress

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a…
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    Missionary Mimicking

    A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the…
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    Geese V

    Q: Why is one side of the V geese make always shorter than the other? ........... A:…

"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'
DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.'
MARK VIDUKA

"We lost because we didn't win."
RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable."
PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
MICK DRAPER

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked."

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough."

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
IAN RUSH

"Germany are a difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today."

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
ALAN SHEARER

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
THIERRY HENRY

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win."
VINNY JONES

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level."
DAVID BECKHAM

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