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    Three Important Words

    At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married…
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    Amateur Photographer

    An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends, and he took along a few…
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    Going to Disneyworld

    "Hey Grandpa!, can you make a noise like a frog?""I think I can do that. Why?""'Cuz Dad…
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    More To Think About

    * Ever Wondered Why ....???? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars…
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    3 eggs - 50 years

    A newly ordained preacher and his young wife were talking about being more considerate of…
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    Goober Counsellor

    A goober began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One…
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    Young Businessman

    A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office…
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    Baby Help

    Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place…
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    Stolen Turkey

    Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I…
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    Out-of-Office Replies

    I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-of-the-Office" e-mail auto-replies very…
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    Vampire Bat

    A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched…
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    Dad and Baby

    One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some…
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    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When

    You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When . . .* You can type sixty words a minute with…
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    Little Johnny's Bike

    Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors. His dad was surprised when Johnny's mom…
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    DIY Complications

    The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him…

"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'
DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.'
MARK VIDUKA

"We lost because we didn't win."
RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable."
PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
MICK DRAPER

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked."

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough."

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
IAN RUSH

"Germany are a difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today."

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
ALAN SHEARER

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
THIERRY HENRY

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win."
VINNY JONES

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level."
DAVID BECKHAM

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