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More Jokes

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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
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    Doctor Keeps Trying

    A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

    While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother…
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    Kitchen Wizard

    My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she…
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    Car Sale

    Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the…
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    Liberal Headlines

    If Biblical Headlines were written by Today's Liberal…
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    Rejection Rejection

    Have you ever had a resume rejected? Don't ever let it happen again. The next time that…
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    Three Chairs

    A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to…
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    Daaaad!

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da-ad...""What?""I'm…
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    Ammunition Substantiation

    An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter…
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    Lost Money

    The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She…
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    Philosophy Chair

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
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    Teachers About to Retire

    You know you're a retiree-to-be when... 1. Fellow staff members greet you in the hall…
  • cat lying down

    Lose the Cat

    A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from…
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    Egg Timing

    A friend of mine, a new bride, was on her honeymoon and spent one night at her spouse's…

"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'
DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.'
MARK VIDUKA

"We lost because we didn't win."
RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable."
PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
MICK DRAPER

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked."

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough."

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
IAN RUSH

"Germany are a difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today."

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
ALAN SHEARER

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
THIERRY HENRY

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win."
VINNY JONES

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level."
DAVID BECKHAM

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