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More Jokes

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    Good Old Dave

    Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into…
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    Tax Reform

    At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which…
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    Hymns for Speeders

    Now, for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns for you: 45 mph.................God…
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    Teaching Math

    Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging…
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    Calf Birth

    A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing…
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    Food, Family and Philosophy

    Gary is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks…
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    School Excuse

    At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and…
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    Bell Call

    The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.An exciting new discovery is about to take…
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    Finest Equipment

    Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his…
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    Bathroom Sign

    Thanks to Norma K. Appel for sending today's CleanLaugh. Dear Pastor Tim, this is a true…
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    All Pro Turkey

    The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey…
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    Goober Widow

    A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer.…
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    Golf Cheater

    Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, "I'm…
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    The Cautious Pilot

    Taxiing down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the…
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    Car Warning

    A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his…

"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'
DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.'
MARK VIDUKA

"We lost because we didn't win."
RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable."
PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
MICK DRAPER

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked."

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough."

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
IAN RUSH

"Germany are a difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today."

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
ALAN SHEARER

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
THIERRY HENRY

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win."
VINNY JONES

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level."
DAVID BECKHAM

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