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More Jokes

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    How High Is It?

    An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150…
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    Mint Mom

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    School Curlers

    ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked…
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    Pearl Dream

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl…
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    Concert Dreams

    Not that I need reminding, but time flies much too fast. When I was a teenager, I used to…
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    Skipping School

    The local high school has a policy that the parent's must call the school if the student…
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    Think of a Number

    Think of a number.Multiply it by 3.Now add 5.Take away the number you first thought…
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    Positively Wrong

    A linguistics professor was lecturing his class."In English," he explained, "a double…
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    Checking Newbie

    Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new…
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    More Bad Headlines

    ~ March Planned For Next August ~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See ~ Lingerie Shipment…
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    Now, Now Ellen

    A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As…
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    How Cold is it?

    An annotated thermometer: (degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius) +50 / +10* New York tenants…
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    Transcribing Confusion

    We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came…
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    Brazilian Jungle

    Two intrepid explorers met in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. "I'm here," declared…
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    Gender Request

    After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery…

"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.'
DAVID BECKHAM

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.'
MARK VIDUKA

"We lost because we didn't win."
RONALDO

"I've had 14 bookings this season - eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable."
PAUL GASCOIGNE

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
MICK DRAPER

"It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked."

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough."

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
STEWART PEARCE

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
IAN RUSH

"Germany are a difficult team to play... they had 11 internationals out there today."

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
ALAN SHEARER

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
THIERRY HENRY

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win."
VINNY JONES

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level."
DAVID BECKHAM

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