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More Jokes

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    Fore!

    My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game. "You have to count my…
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    Longevity Answer

    The Jewish Chronicle had heard that Benny was coming up to his 110th birthday so they…
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    Corporate Change

    When the company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, I told my staff to…
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    Gators!

    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,…
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    Amateur Photographer

    An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends, and he took along a few…
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    A Few Shelves

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    In Charge

    One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting.…
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    Diet Additive

    During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was extolling the merits…
  • cooking with gas

    Servicemen Foot Race

    Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out…
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    Spelling Code

    A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up."Our…
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    Shakespearean in Dallas

    A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon…
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    Ashes

    Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey…
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    Goober Ice Fishing

    A goober wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally,…
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    Other Uses for Fruitcake

    1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won't park on your…
  • newspaper

    From British Newspapers

    1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman…
Rules for Stray Cats

1.  Stray cats will not be fed.

2.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.

3.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.

4.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5.  Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

6.  Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7.  Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.

8.  Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the house at any time.

9.  Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain times.

10.  Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days ending in "y".

11.  Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12.  Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

13.  Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen claws on new .99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

16.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan, with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17.  Stray cats will sleep outside.

18.  Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19.  Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20.  Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21.  Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

22.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers, except at the foot.

26.  Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27.  Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.

28.  Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk, when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier'puyykmm4hb USING IT.
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