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    Cancelling Cards

    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to…
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    Accounting Secret

    There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know…
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping

    A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed…
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    Farewell Luncheon

    The staff at the office where my wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a…
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    Pastor Jim's Bungee Jump

    Pastor Jim was called to pastor a large Southern Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas. He…
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    Typing Test

    A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have…
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    Physics Purpose

    One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med…
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    Tax Reform

    At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which…
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    Dinosaur Bones

    Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur…
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    Another Try - Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say

    Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...20. You know, when you build your…
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    Enlisting Choices

    "Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army.""Baby," I…
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    Watch Your Hat and Overcoat

    The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat and Overcoat."Meyer…
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    40 Year Solution

    My parents have been married for almost 40 years. Whenever anyone asks my Dad how they've…
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    Mental Test

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and his host naturally…

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.  One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.  Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.  After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.  He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.  The doctor came in took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.  He came across two men.  One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.  The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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