More Jokes

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    Environmental Problem

    This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of Environmental…
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    Free Paper

    My dry cleaner very generously gives each customer a free copy of the daily newspaper. As…
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    Computer Customer Quotes

    "Computer Customer Quotes" or "Why goobers shouldn't own computers!" Customer: "I have…
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    Sorry I'm Late

    Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy…
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    For Sale Sign

    A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming…
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    Moose Hunters

    Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good…
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    Check that Address!

    Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He…
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    Road To Easy Street

    A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted…
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    Couple Descriptions

    Even mismatched couples may described kindly.1. He's a chiropractor, and she is a pain in…
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    Gift Diamonds

    Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the…
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    Goodbye From George

    George had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out his Last Will and…
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    Vacation Time

    Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview…
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    Lawn Ornaments

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…
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    Flight Instructions

    During a business trip to Boeing's Everett, Washington factory, I noticed several 747 and…

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.  One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.  Her husband responds, "But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.  After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.  He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.  The doctor came in took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.  He came across two men.  One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.  The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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