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    Actual Signs

    Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you…
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    Musings

    * A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops.My desk is my…
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    Grasshopper in Bar

    A grasshopper goes into a bar and hops on to a barstool to order a drink. The bartender…
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    Shirt Note

    The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note…
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    Pink Humvees

    Our division had to repaint our Humvees to a sand color for Desert Storm. The result was…
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    Silent Drums

    An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him…
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    Cute Nurses

    My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient.…
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    Jericho Walls

    The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday school. The teacher introduced him…
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    Rest Stop

    I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a…
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    Roof Chicken

    One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto…
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    Frog in Pocket

    A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the…
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    Ugly Suit

    When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but…
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    Hans Olaffsen's Laundry

    Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,…
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    Gripe Comments

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines)…
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    Texas Vacation

    A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a…

How to be handy around the house - in 10 easy steps.1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on"; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

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