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    Swanky Dining

    The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d,…
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    Suspicious Delivery

    There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the…
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    IRS Call

    When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the…
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    A Short History of Medicine

    "Doctor, I have an ear ache."2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."1000 BC - "That root is…
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    Dinosaur Highway

    A goober was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the…
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    Computer Cup Holder

    A friend of mine was on the phone with a tech rep from another company. That tech rep…
  • garage sale

    Yard Sale Anger

    A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said…
  • child boy

    Rescue Mom

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…
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    Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen

    A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to…
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    Meatloaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Water Dorm

    When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing…
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    Dark Parachute Jumps

    Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps difficult and dangerous. So we…
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    New Boots

    My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The…
  • Trojan Virus Warning

    Trojan Virus Warning

    Hey Hector, This was forwarded to me by Cassandra - it looks legit. Please distribute to…
  • lawn ornaments

    Lawn Ornaments

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…

How to be handy around the house - in 10 easy steps.1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on"; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

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