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More Jokes

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    Strange Allergy

    Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the paediatrician. I was…
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    Lawyer Light Bulb Completion

    So many of you threatened to sue me if I didn't supply the end of yesterday's CleanLaugh,…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
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    Bob Hope Quotes

    Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only…
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    Goober Farmers

    There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by the Forman…
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    Talking Clock

    While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way…
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    Sermon Overtime

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
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    I Always Wondered About That

    During a summer break from my studies at an engineering university, I worked in a scrap…
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    Calories That Don't Count

    Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting…
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    The friars of Flowers (pun alert)

    Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to…
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    You've Got Bottle

    A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of…
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    Funeral Weather

    As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.The deceased was a little old lady who…
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    Goober In Library

    A goober walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last…
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    Sharing

    Uncle Sid and Aunt Sadie are in their eighties and have been married for more than sixty…

How to be handy around the house - in 10 easy steps.1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on"; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

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