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More Jokes

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    You're Not A Monk

    A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the…
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    Death Statistic

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
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    I can't come in to work today because . . . .

    - "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm…
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    New Discovery

    The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.An exciting new discovery is about to take…
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    I'll Call Back

    Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the…
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    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
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    I Love My Job

    I Love My Job (apologies to Dr. Seuss) I love my job, I love the pay, I love it more and…
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    Vacuum Repair

    My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home-repair…
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    Second Grade Math

    I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about…
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    Getting To Heaven

    The pastor was talking to a group of young children about believing in Jesus and going to…
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    Babysitting Reference

    We encouraged our 18-year-old daughter to find a job to help pay for her college…
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    Ride To Church

    A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to…
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    Economics Exam

    Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question:…
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    One Parachute

    You are one of "two" people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How…
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    Light Bulb List Members

    Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: 1,331:1…

*Ten Step Guide To Being Handy Around The House*

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year- old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on" ; or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

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