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    Flower Request

    "I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you…
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    G.I. Excuses

    The General went out to find that none of his GIs were there. One finally ran up, panting…
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    Extra Fudge

    I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot…
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    Kids Say the Darndest Things

    Kids say the darnedest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because…
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    2 Requests

    An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final…
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    Family Album

    I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.My sisters and I were looking…
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    Foot Snuggle

    On a chilly winter evening, my husband and I were snuggled together on the floor watching…
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    What Am I?

    Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had…
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    Vacuum Repair

    My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home-repair…
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    Brain vs Brawn

    The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in…
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    Diamond Assumption

    An acquaintance of mine, whose daughter was about to be married, decided to give her a…
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    Mr. Scwartz

    Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help…
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    Scale Convention

    At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on…
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    Ladder Borrow

    My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when…
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    Eye Test Chart

    When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The…

book mystery1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' toh man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

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