More Jokes

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    Burglar and Vicar

    A burglar broke into a minister's house and told the pastor, "One move and you're dead.…
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    A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back…
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    State of the Pastor

    The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.He walked…
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    Cast Your Bread

    My mom, a difficult independent, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day…
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    Romantic Switch

    Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned…
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    Actual Call Center Conversations

    Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries.…
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    Kid Comments

    * A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth ?"One lil' girl spoke up:…
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    Heavy Housework

    Smith goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning…
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    Namesake Care

    While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier…
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    Looking For The Lift

    As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a…
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    Laws of Computing

    *Laws of Computing* * When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to…
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    ACTS 2:38

    This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he…
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    A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a 'birthday/anniversary card.'…
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    Allergy Medicine

    During a revival, the visiting evangelist arrived without his allergy medicine. Our…

book mystery1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' toh man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

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