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    Amish At The Mall

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    Sleep Motivation

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    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

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    Breathe

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    Milk Switch

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    Battle Of The Dogs

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    Baby Talk

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    Payment Plan

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    Milkman Notes

    These notes left for milkmen came from the UK, so you'll notice a slight, endearing…
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    Tennis Take On

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    Noisy Neighbors

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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Rabbi Sneak

    There was this rabbi in a small town, and he was really curious about why so many people…
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    ACTS 2:38

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    Circles

    During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed…

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

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