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    Finding The Cat's Diary

    Day 752 - My captors continue to haunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine…
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    Road Crew Signs

    While driving through South Carolina, I kept having to slow down for road repair crews.To…
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    Smart Chauffer

    When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found…
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    Something Nice For Dad

    Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his…
  • couple elderly

    I'm Dead

    A husband and wife, both getting on in years, are in bed one morning. He takes her hand,…
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    Meatloaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Called In Sick

    Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union…
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    Men's Thesaurus

    "IT'S A GUY THING"Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,…
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    Larger Than 20

    A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our…
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    Road To Easy Street

    A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted…
  • child boy

    Rescue Mom

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…
  • turkey dinner hotline

    Turkey Hotline

    TRUE STORIES FROM THE BUTTERBALL Turkey Hotline, where people call to get advice on how…
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    Job Impressions

    I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always…
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    Shopping Bags

    It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large…
  • thief

    Finally

    A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"…

For all of us guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You
don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties:
You make the Bed.....................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty..................0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night .....................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her father.............................................-10

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal .........................................-5
And the pal is happily married ............................-4
Or frighteningly single ...................................-7
And he drives a Mustang..................................-10

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie.........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes..............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate...............................+6
You take her to a movie you like................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30
You say "I don't give a darn because you have one too"........-800

The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" .....................................-5
You hesitate in responding.....................................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................................-35

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...............................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20

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