More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Grandma Thanks

    A grandmother was headed out the door to go to church one Sunday when she got a call from…
  • Default Image

    Found Cell Phone

    When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers,…
  • Default Image

    Men's Thesaurus

    "IT'S A GUY THING"Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,…
  • Default Image

    College Nerves

    While touring the University with some college-bound friends, I saw an advertisement that…
  • Default Image

    What's Good Tonight?

    Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to…
  • Default Image

    Basic Training

    After about three weeks in basic training, my husband's unit was not measuring up to…
  • Default Image

    Mommy Test

    I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the…
  • computer keyboard

    Long Passwords

    My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on…
  • Default Image

    Things Not To Say or Do at a Job Interview

    ** See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.** Ask…
  • Default Image

    One Interest

    A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her…
  • italian pizza

    Foreign Pizza

    An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so…
  • Default Image

    $100 Coffee

    A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup…
  • Default Image

    Picnic Pains

    The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her…
  • Default Image

    Soup Words

    It was a formal banquet. The minister had just finished saying grace when a waiter…
  • Default Image

    Goober at Interview

    The executive was interviewing a young goober for a position in his company. He wanted to…

Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the marketplace and those with "emotionally challenged" relationships.
Notice that the rules are generally transferable from one to the other and that the consequences are roughly comparable.

The Rules of Combat
1.  If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

3.  Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

4.  The easy way is always mined.

5.  Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

6.  Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

7.  The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
a.  When you're ready for them.
b.  When you're not ready for them.

8.  Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

9a.  Claymores are labelled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.

9b.  If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

10.  If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

11.  Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

12.  The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

13.  When the pin is pulled, Mr.  Grenade is *not* our friend.

14.  If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

15.  When in doubt empty the magazine.

16.  Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

17.  Anything you do can get you shot.  Including doing nothing.

18.  Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

19.  Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

20.  A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

21.  Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

22.  The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

23.  Five second fuses only last three seconds.

24.  It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Powered By JFBConnect