logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • donut

    Second Grade Math

    I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about…
  • Default Image

    Deep Thoughts

    From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep…
  • picture of roast meat

    Dinner Guests

    The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age - of long duration) sent out an…
  • Default Image

    Train Candy Bar

    Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy's…
  • Default Image

    Watery Deal

    A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of…
  • Default Image

    Buffalo Comments

    Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the…
  • Default Image

    Ugly Baby

    A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've…
  • Default Image

    Late For Church

    A young girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to Sunday…
  • Default Image

    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
  • Default Image

    Egg Timing

    A friend of mine, a new bride, was on her honeymoon and spent one night at her spouse's…
  • Default Image

    Test Crash

    As the test pilot climbed out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and…
  • Default Image

    Scout's Letter Home

    Dear Mom, Our scout master told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on…
  • form

    Vacation Time

    Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview…
  • Default Image

    Soup Words

    It was a formal banquet. The minister had just finished saying grace when a waiter…
  • Default Image

    Commercial Reward

    At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at…

Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the marketplace and those with "emotionally challenged" relationships.
Notice that the rules are generally transferable from one to the other and that the consequences are roughly comparable.

The Rules of Combat
1.  If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

3.  Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

4.  The easy way is always mined.

5.  Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

6.  Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

7.  The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
a.  When you're ready for them.
b.  When you're not ready for them.

8.  Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

9a.  Claymores are labelled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.

9b.  If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

10.  If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

11.  Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

12.  The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

13.  When the pin is pulled, Mr.  Grenade is *not* our friend.

14.  If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

15.  When in doubt empty the magazine.

16.  Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

17.  Anything you do can get you shot.  Including doing nothing.

18.  Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

19.  Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

20.  A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

21.  Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

22.  The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

23.  Five second fuses only last three seconds.

24.  It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Powered By JFBConnect