logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

The Rules of Combat

Now here's one for all you combat veterans, corporate bureaucrats, folks in the marketplace and those with "emotionally challenged" relationships.
Notice that the rules are generally transferable from one to the other and that the consequences are roughly comparable.

The Rules of Combat
1.  If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

3.  Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

4.  The easy way is always mined.

5.  Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

6.  Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

7.  The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
a.  When you're ready for them.
b.  When you're not ready for them.

8.  Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

9a.  Claymores are labelled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.

9b.  If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

10.  If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

11.  Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

12.  The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

13.  When the pin is pulled, Mr.  Grenade is *not* our friend.

14.  If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

15.  When in doubt empty the magazine.

16.  Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

17.  Anything you do can get you shot.  Including doing nothing.

18.  Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

19.  Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

20.  A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

21.  Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

22.  The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

23.  Five second fuses only last three seconds.

24.  It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Who's On First - Computer Version

    *Who's On First - Computer Version*ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help…
  • Default Image

    Resume Cover Letters

    These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune"…
  • Default Image

    Buy A Verdict

    Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his client's jury to hold out for a charge of…
  • Default Image

    How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

    How To Know When You Are Ready For ParenthoodMESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa…
  • child hands

    Listen for the Word

    Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless,…
  • Default Image

    New Number Request

    Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service…
  • Default Image

    Airline Announcements

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture"…
  • Default Image

    Signs You May Be Canadian

    SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN 1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You…
  • Default Image

    Family Album

    I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.My sisters and I were looking…
  • Default Image

    Sam's Fishing

    A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish…
  • plane passenger window

    On Time

    The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger…
  • Default Image

    Goober Interview

    The executive was interviewing a goober for a position in his company.He wanted to find…
  • Default Image

    Dog Errand

    A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.…
  • Default Image

    Martha Raye, Stewardess

    I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a…
  • Default Image

    Cowboy Joe goes to Church

    Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a…